I don’t trust a mom who doesn’t drink coffee

Caffeine (a dedication)

The smell, the taste, the anticipation
First sips, mmm
Hot or iced, day or night
You keep me going
I love you, Lifeblood

I just wanted to put that out there. I love coffee (and tea, too) so much. It clears the grogginess every morning, and gives me boosts when my mom powers fade. Any person (mothers, especially) who claims they don’t like/need/drink coffee, is dead to me. *if you are one of these non-coffee people and I am currently your friend, keep it to yourself or prepare for shunning.

And on that note, I will tell you all about my happenings/adventures as of late! Oliver’s fall soccer ended last week, so now he is down to flag football (piano & gymnastics) till basketball starts. I’m proud of how much he’s improved with soccer, and I know he really enjoys playing. Football is another story. Most of the kids on his team don’t really know what’s going on anyway, but then Dad’s Club rules are different than regular football so they really have a hard time. It’s pretty fun to watch the games,though. I don’t think Ollie will be doing it again next time around (but, we will see). He’s been doing well in school, and conferences went well. I’ve never had any real topics of discussion to bring to the table when it came to parent/teacher conferences until this year. So far, Oliver hasn’t brought home any homework. Maybe once, but there is no consistent day he will have to do homework. I do not think this is ok,and am confused what is going on. His teacher assured me he is getting the challenges he needs, and she will improve on things I suggested. We will see. And then there is Halloween. It’s nearly trick-or-treat time! Baby Frank is going as a shark, so Ollie requested I make him a shark, too. I made his costume this last weekend (with Whit), and he gets to wear it today at school for their class parade! It looks pretty good if I say so myself. I finished my sarlacc costume, too! So fun!

Baby Frank is, as always, the light of my life. He is always happy and always making everyone around him smile. I am pretty damn lucky. The thing is, he still wakes up about 2-3 times a night to eat. And the last few nights he wakes every hour. He’s been eating rice cereal with fruits for breakfast, and oatmeal with vegetables for dinner for a little over a week now. I thought that would make a difference with his sleep, but I also think he is teething. He is sleeping in his crib about half the time during the night, and the other half he’s in bed with me. I’ll transition him into the crib more …just got to let him cry it out maybe? Ugh. That will suck. I can’t even believe he is almost 5 months old already! INSANE! #theygrowsofast


my babes.

My yoga practice continues to make me stronger and saner. I make sure to take at least 20-30 minutes each day to meditate/breathe/work on poses and strength. If i’m lucky enough to get a full hour in, it’s even better! I can usually get to a class at Shine! on Tuesdays or Wednesday mornings, and hot yoga at Sol on Thursday mornings. The tricky part is getting a sitter to make the classes- thankfully Shine! has daycare in the studio! I’m starting to focus more/put more time and energy into my practice. As some of you know, I plan on getting my yoga instructor certificate (maybe next year?) so I always keep that in mind when I’m on the mat. I hope to teach prenatal yoga someday, too. #GOALS

gotta start somewhere

Speaking of goals::::: I want to run a lot more. I will run a lot more. I want to work up to running a half/full marathon. AM I CRAZY?! NO! I AM MOTIVATED #runningisforthebirds #iamabirdlady

SO~ Halloween. Transitioning baby. Goals… Wish me luck. On all fronts.


It was the best of times, it was the busiest of times.

Somehow it is the end of September. With every sunny morning, sleepless night, and traveling here and there, the summer has slipped through my fingers. I suppose I can’t complain. Since baby Frank has come along, life has been amplified. Brighter, busier, happier, healthier, and lovelier. Oliver has taken to his role as a big bro like he was born to do it. Always helping, always using patience, and always making Frank smile. I have a lot of gratitude for my little 8-year-old buddy.

Ollie has had a lot happen this summer, and has grown up a lot (physically and mentally). He went on a road trip to Yellowstone with his dad in July, after our Florida visit. The two were gone for over a week, exploring and camping and bonding. It is good for him, I think. He has stories of bear sightings, and hiking adventures to share and remember always. In August, he stayed with his dad and Gigi (grandma) for 10 days in Cleveland to visit for his cousin’s birthday. Needless to say, Oliver has done more traveling this summer than he has his whole life. And he is a good little traveler (he is used to it, and hardly complains about long car rides). Since school’s started up, he is in the swing of things again. Second grade is “a piece of cake”- he was accepted into the TAG program again this year, and loves a good challenge.

Baby Frank is just the hammiest of all babies. Weighing in at 20 lbs already, there is a lot of baby to love, and we wouldn’t have in any other way. He is cooing/chatting more and more, and drooling like crazy. He loves books, tummy time, and watching everyone’s faces. We recently got him a walker (just a simple, no frills one that I LOVE), and he really lights up when he gets in it. He likes touching his toes to the floor/ground and the sensation of standing. Our little family drove to Colorado Springs a couple weeks ago to see my sister, and all the kids did really well (including Jan). It was a long, loooong drive out, and an even longer one back home, but every sleepy mile was worth it. My sister and Kevin (her fiancé) loved having us there for 5 days, and we had so many memorable days. *see photos on my IG* We are looking forward to seeing them (and the rest of the family) in December for xmas!

After we returned from our Colorado trip, it was nearly mid-September, and the realization that summer was ending had me feeling some type of way.  September 10th was the 6th anniversary of my dad committing suicide. It is always a hard day, and puts life in perspective. We are always taking time with our parents for granted. Life is truly a gift, and though somedays fade in and out, it’s important that we stop and appreciate the relationships and luxuries that we have. I didn’t know my father that well, and I regret not ceasing the days when I had the chances to learn. It effects me. It effects a lot (not knowing your parent). In fact, I want you to stop reading this blog right now. RIGHT NOW. Tell/call/text/email your parents and let them know you are thinking of them. Tell them you love them. Show them you love them. Being a parent myself, I realize just how important this stuff is to me. I will raise my kids to value this. Even families that don’t “share” or show emotions need to express their love somehow. So, go on. Tell your mom she matters to you, give her a high five, bake her banana bread, and tell her she is beautiful. Tell your dad he’s the reason you are so good with words/music/cooking/painting/cars/whatever it is. Don’t wait until you see/hear from them again. Do it now. You may not get a chance to later.

Dad and I at my high school grad party 2004

dad rocked the giant nerd glasses


midi tops BEFORE they were cool

The last photo I have of us/dad. It was at Papa’s funeral, and he was able to meet Oliver

Feeling all the feels is one of many reasons why I continue my yoga journey. Yes, I called it a “journey” and no, you can’t make fun of me for it. #TRUTH I really think it is good to challenge yourself with things. Be it cooking that 20-ingredient recipe you saw on Pinterest, NOT eating the last cookie, or pushing your body to endure. #goals. I love getting results and the way it feels when I finally succeed. I’ve been clogging up everyone’s IG/FB/Twitter feed with photos of my practice and results. I know I post a lot, and if you don’t like it [unfollow] #Ashdontcare. It is my own way of sharing and showing all the things that make me proud. And yeah, I am proud of myself for sticking with yoga (even during/after pregnancy). Feels gooooood.




Ollie being the best big bro

Frank loves his daddy

mountaintop lovies

Oliver and his Woolou

Frank meets Mamaw & Papaw

*Writing this poolside at my parent’s house in Florida* #bejealous

Last week, Oliver, Frank and I took a plane ride to Florida!  

 All went fine, and I’m SOhappy to be spending time with my momma. Since baby Frank, things have been slightly less easy #understatement. So, I am loving that I have this opportunity to see my parents AND have some assistance AND get a chance to shower/eat slowly/RELAX by the POOL…  

  “Shhh” is probably my most frequently used word now. Even Ollie uses it. Anytime Frank is the slightest bit fussy, Oliver rushes to his side to rub his forehead and shush him. CUTE. Frank is now 5 weeks old, and has changed SO much in just the last couple weeks! He is more vocal and makes tiny coos and other sounds. He is wearing 3 (and sometimes 3-6) month clothing, and size 1 diaper. He started taking the pacifier (or foofoo/wubanub as we refer to it) to help calm him when he is sleepy- THIS is HUGE for me, because he refused to take anything but my nipple up until last week!  

   So helpful especially during car rides. He has been fed with a bottle (mama’s milk, of course) by Daddy and Mamaw!   

He does well on plane rides (slept the whole way), and is hit-or-miss with car rides. It’s easy while we are here with my mum, because I can tend to fussy Frank from the back seat while she drives. We have been out and about SO much more than I normally would be solely because I have my mum to help with ALL the things! It is awesome. No, BEYOND awesome. Her help is just what I needed, and I’m so grateful for being able to visit and share in this with her and Pops.  

sucking his thumb!


he loves standing/using his legs




smiles for days


museum trip w/the fam!


restaurant trips are easy


papaw ❤️ Franky


morning faces


car rides are NO fun when Wubanub gets loose


frank’s first trip to the ocean


ocean breezes 🙂


i get to relax! mamaw gets to snug!


frank’s 1st ride in the Ergobaby


morning faces!


Being a super hero

I’ve devised this list of things and ideas on being a SUPER MOM:

  • Newborns are like the evil step sisters from Cinderella (only not-so-much evil) ~always ringing the bell/needing something. Which makes me Cinderella only slightly less magical & thin. 
  • My son is a snacker. He nurses on one boob for 5 minutes and dozes off until I try to lay him down, then he freaks out and wants 3 minutes on the other boob. Why? Because he can. He is getting fuller for longer stints of time now that he’s 3 weeks old, but still not nursing for more than 10 min at a time (I think that’s normal?). And I don’t really mind being needed by the most adorable person in the world. 

    snoozing after a snack (3 weeks old)

  • Multi-tasking before I had a baby vs after. Most all things I was capable of doing pre-baby I’m able to do with baby in-tow. EX: cooking/eating/tending to other things with one hand is totally possible and Moms should be given gold effing medals for it alone! Going potty while nursing isn’t something I’m proud of, but it happens.  Showers, though a LOT less frequent than before, are doable with baby in his bassinet on the floor (shower sounds are calming!)
  • How many diapers  my son uses in a day is insane. Seriously, I don’t even know the exact amount, but it is a lot. SO. MANY. POOPS. I’ve gotten quite good at changing a diaper in under 20 seconds. #professionaldiaperchanger And have only been pooped on twice. 
  • My body. Ten days after I gave birth, I had lost 22 lbs. TWENTY. #holyshit And I don’t have much to say as far as how it happened, but I’d like to thank breastfeeding and the fact that I was practicing yoga regularly. My recovery is tremendously faster this time around. With Oliver, I didn’t feel as “normal” as I do now until Ollie was almost 7 months old!  

    taken last weekend (me and Roberta, my yoga mom)

  • Nipple spoiled is a thing, I’m sure. Frank has been nursing and pacifying at the breast and will not take a pacifier/soothie/binkie/nada. So, there’s that. #momifier
  • In-laws. I love my in-laws, really I do. But there is a limit to how much visiting one can take post-baby. I won’t rant or talk shit, but I will say this: mommys and daddys need THEIR OWN TIME with baby. 
  • Supermom powers are real. Like, really real. But so are Superdad powers. I am undeniably grateful for Jan and how much he helps/offers help with everything. He and I wear our superhero pants proudly (well, he wears a singlet, but you probably assumed that much).
  • Super powers aside, we ARE sleeping in separate beds … I hate it, but it’s what works for us for now. I feel bad that he isn’t getting a full-night’s sleep, and needs more z’s. I’m sure this will only be very temporary, as Frank starts getting more sleep at night. It will be a transition, but that’s parenting!
  • Oliver is adorable with baby! He is loving and attentive and so good at being a brother! The boys can be seen on Instagram together w/ #OllieandFrankyboy

best big brother ever

And now, some photos!

week-old Frank

2-weeks old


3-weeks old


No Jans were harmed in the birthing of baby Frank: my birth story 

One week ago, I pushed a tiny human out of me. I did it. ME. I did it with excitement and then with exponential amounts of fear and then without fear. I did it without pain meds or epidural (even though I shouted for “DRUGS!” at some point towards the end). I did it without passing out or dying, though at many times I thought I might. I did it without killing Jan, the nurse and doctor. And I did it without tearing/needing stitches! SO, yeah.. I’m KIND OF real impressed with myself.
Over the last 2 weeks, we have been more busy with family and activities than ever. Oliver was finishing up 1st grade and soccer, Jan’s oldest brother, Jimbo, came to visit for a week (along with his wife lady, Genevieve), and Jos was in the hospital getting heart stints. I KNOW, right? Busy and exciting and stressful! On top of that, I was nearing my due date. I spent everyday doing things outdoors (walking, gardening, yoga) in hopes to work the baby out while Jimbo was in town. But the week came and went, and so did Jimbo and Gen. They left Monday afternoon, and my water broke while I was washing dishes Monday night! I was ecstatic! FINALLY!! BABY IS COMING!! I told Jan and Ollie (who were in the living room watching television) “I think my water just broke” and walked upstairs to check. The looks on their faces was priceless- Oliver was confused why water came out and not apple juice! Jan kept asking me “are you sure? Are you REALLY sure??” And so it went. I called the doctor who said I should go to the hospital. In retrospect, I wish I would have waited at home longer to get a few hours sleep (but since the doctor said I should go in, I went). I walked Ollie to Jay&Josie’s and told them what happened- Jay was over the moon excited yelling “woohoo!” as I left. #ADORBS Jan and I grabbed the overnight bag and drove around the corner to the hospital.
When we arrived, it was about 6:30pm and there were no receptionists in the main area we walked through. So, we went to the 5th floor and tried checking in there but all we saw was a phone on the wall. I picked it up and a nurse answered. “Uh..can I come in, please?” I asked (trying not to laugh). The nurse asked what I was coming in for, and I said that my water had broke and I was going to have a baby 🙂 She buzzed us in and I apologized for not knowing the correct protocol on checking in (even though we went over it in our birthing classes #nottheteacherspet). They took me to a room and strapped monitors on my “perfectly pregnant” belly. I was moved to a labor room and started on pitocin to start things along. After a while, the pitocin wasn’t needed, and I was contracting more and more. The pain worsened and I had the shivers a bit- so the nurse ran water in the giant tub for me to sit in. It was niiiice! And then I got too hot AND contractions were getting really close… the nurse had me try laboring positions that would help baby lower more, but it hurt SO bad to squat. I laid on the bed dosing off in between contractions (Jan said I had googly eyes when I woke up bc I was deleriously out of it). When the doctor came in and said I could push (FINALLY), it was about 515-530am. I pushed and pushed and swear I popped all the blood vessels in my body. It hurt, guys. It. Hurt. Lots. I can’t stress enough how bad the pain was… BUT I mustered up a few breathes, buckled down, and pushed my baby out! Jan watched the entire birth without fainting AND cut the cord. The doctor pulled my baby out of me, and the nurse laid him on my chest. I was in shock. I was sad and happy and overwhelmed. I did it. I FUCKING DID IT. I think I actually said that out loud at one point, too (sorry not sorry).

My boy was a stinky beautiful mess and he was in my arms for real.

my son is born!!

Baby Frank immediately nursed, and I stared down at him in awe. I MADE YOU! I didn’t tear or need stitches. I didn’t even pass out after. I was wide awake! My entire mood switched back to HAPPY ASH mode, and all was right in the world. Jan didn’t hold Frank until we moved into the postpartum room, but when he did it was adorable. He wasn’t quite sure how to pick him up or hold him, and it was just the sweetest Daddy “first moment” ever. The 2 nights in the hospital postpartum were rough. My milk hadn’t come in, and Franky boy was starving. I slept little to none, and the second night the nurse took Frank to the nursery so I could get some rest (I was too delusional to remember the interaction, but vaguely remember asking her where she was taking my son in a not-so-nice tone). Visitors came and went and gifts were given #sonicesonice And then, we were discharged to go home!

  We’ve been home for a week now, and are still working out the kinks. Frank and I have been co-sleeping while Jan has taken to the guest bed. I’m guessing tonight will be the first night we use the bassinet and see how much difference that makes. I don’t intend on getting much sleep during this transition. I am very fond of co-sleeping (I know it’s a hot-button topic). It is easier to nurse all hours of the night, and I feel baby and I get more Zzz’s. I can’t have Jan sleeping in a separate bed much longer, even if he is getting all the sleeps. I miss being the little spoon ❤

I want to thank everyone who sent/gave gifts and their support and understanding this last week. Having a baby is work, and adjusting to all things newborn takes time and energy. If I haven’t texted/IG’d/FB’d/Tweeted/Snapchat’d/called enough- you all know why. And I’m working on thank-you cards, too!
UNTIL NEXT TIME! #babyFrankberg can be seen on IG 🙂

a week old baby Frank

“Just walk away”- Lord Humongous, best-dressed bad guy (PS: NO FRANK, YET)

Well, here we are. Large and round at 38 weeks (and 1 day) pregnant. And by “we” I mean me. No one else is sharing in the uncomfortableness quite the same way. My belly is “out there” and always in the way, my hands are somewhat swollen and tingly, I’m having more and more contractions (accompanied by the occasional twinge in the pelvic area), and I sleep restlessly and wake up at least once in the middle of the night to pee. On top of the “normal” pregnancy side effects, I get asked e v e r y d a y about the baby. “Is Frank here yet?”, “no baby?”, “when are you having that baby?”…I PROMISE IT WILL NOT BE KEPT A SECRET WHEN HE GETS HERE, GUYS. And trust me, I (above all others) am more than ready to meet the little bugger. Your concern and asking/checking in is well-received but also slightly annoying, bc all I want to do is have this baby at this point. Love you all, and I assure you Frank will arrive when he wants to and you will all be notified.
There is a lot I do everyday to help pass the time, and there is a lot I do to encourage the babe to show himself. I exercise (yoga, walking, weeding/gardening, house chores) throughout the day.

continuing my practice has been a huge help

38 weeks pregnancy shelf

I walk lots. I do my kegels and squats like a good little lady, and still nothing. Maybe I am doing too much? Is that a thing? Is too much activity working against me in this? #lesigh Frank is probably in there like “NEVAAA!!!” I suppose I will just keep on doing normal things and accept the fact that baby will arrive when he’s good and ready. After all, the longer he’s in there, the chubbier he gets! #ILOVECHUBBYBABIES

Recent happenings:

~Oliver went on a trip with his dad to Chicago this last weekend. I’m actually waiting for him to come home (should be today around lunch time). His dad took him to the aquarium Friday and they stayed in a hotel, then went to a wildlife preserve and saw/fed buffalo camped outside Saturday. Yesterday, they went to a water park… Just lots and lots of fun stuff! I’m sure he is thrilled about coming home to boring ol me- mommy who is too pregnant to do all the things! I am really looking forward to him being back, though. Nothing is the same/normal when he is away. And he is my favorite little man.

~My belly bump at 38 weeks looks so much smaller than it did when I was pregnant with Ollie. Not complaining or anything, just noticing that maybe the 65+ lbs I gained my first pregnancy didn’t look this “cute” (even though I feel I’ve complained a lot more about uncomfortableness this pregnancy).

~I invited friends over Saturday for an impromptu grill out, and it was lovely. Cass, Kev, Whit, Jeff, Jos, Jay & a couple of dude bros of Jan’s showed up. Good turn out, good convos, and good foods. Reminded me of the cook out get-togethers we had at my grandma’s house growing up. Neighbors and family chatting at picnic tables, the plethora of side dishes scattered on the counters, and kids running amuck… all the stuff my childhood is made up of.  I always wanted that for me and my family, too. Effortless gatherings filled with a sort of balanced chaos that only OUR family/friends understood and appreciated. Home. Home is where I’m surrounded by all the good things and people I love… I have to say that it really felt like home. And I enjoy entertaining/hosting things like that, too. #homeiswhereverimwithyou

~I watched a couple movies this weekend (per Jan): Road Warrior and Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. I just want to say that anyone who says, “Road Warrior is better than Thunderdome” needs to RE-WATCH it. RW was hilariously awful. Mel Gibson probably said 20 words the whole movie, and when there was dialog, it was dull/made no sense/poorly written. The action sequences were alright (not better than Thunderdome, duh), but the best thing about the movie were the bad guys and their leader. Lord Humongous and his leather-clad, nambla gang were everything. Their wardrobe and scenes made the movie. Thunderdome was better all around. With characters like Master Blaster, Aunt Entity (TINA TURNER) and a brood of wild children, it is clearly the better movie. #notawasteoftimereally I won’t go into detail for those who haven’t watched it and want to, but I will say that you really don’t need to see Road Warrior to enjoy/understand Thunderdome. I’m looking forward to seeing the new one in theaters w/ Janny Boy (that is, if baby decides to stay put a little longer).

And so that brings us to today. A gorgeous Monday in the neighborhood. My lawn is freshly mowed (thanks, bae), my floors are clean, and my dog is sleeping. A nice, quiet morning thus far #cantcomplain I think I might go for a walk before Oliver gets home. Or go see what Jay is up to. Or bake cookies. Or I could nap… SO MANY CHOICES!

I’m hoping the next time you see a blog post from me I will have a little baby to write about. 🙂



Being a winner makes me sweaty

I can recall only a few times in my life where I was a winner of something. Like the time I bought a scratch ticket at a janky gas station near Marshall, IL, and instantly won $500. Or the time I went to Chicago with a bachelorette party and met the man of my dreams (CHA-CHING!). Those moments had me like Magic So when MY name was drawn from a hat to win a GLORIOUS diaper bag full of marvelous prizes, I was totes like YayHyperbole And when my name was read as the “WINNER,” I instantly started sweating (and nearly cried) because #HORMONAL? The goodie bag was from/put together by my prenatal yoga instructor, the lovely Roberta. (to see a photo of the bag and it’s treats, visit my Instagram page)

Oliver has not been winning lately. Last week, he’d gotten into trouble at school which rendered him video game-less, tablet-less, and grounded. He was having behavioral issues, ones we’ve discussed before at length, and I decided it was time to take away the electronics until further notice. He seems to have taken the punishment well, and has actually turned to other activities instead (biking, riding his scooter, outside things, and Legos) which makes me one happy parent. Not to mention, he’s been playing really WELL in soccer #proudmom

Sunday was our last installment of child prep classes by CHAR. I know Jan was real sad about it. I have to say, the classes were slightly less cheesy than I anticipated. Slow dancing and encouraging whispers aside, the information provided was SUPER helpful. It was more than a refresher course for me, because I honestly forgot about lots of things labor-wise and procedure-wise. And Jan even admitted to learning a thing or two 🙂

As we round the 36-weeks mark, I can’t help but wonder and think about what Frank will look like. Will he have dark hairs all over his head? Will he have chubby cheeks? Will he be just the DARLINGEST baby of EVER? Yes. Yes to all things adorable. I’ve been feeling a lot of “prep” contractions, and also feel him dwelling rather low these days. I also can’t contain my urges to clean and ready the house and yard, so nesting is in full effect. Now, we just wait it out!

I’ve been given a list of movies/tv shows to slide in my watch cue while I’m home. Parenthood, The Mindy Project, a ton of Netflix movies, and Orange is the New Black (when it comes out). I think people assume because I am now a SAHM, I have tons of extra time on my hands, when I actually have very little “extra” time. Between caring for Odin (who is on a few different drugs currently- treating an eye infection), the cats, laundry, floors, and other chores/errands, I literally don’t sit down until after I get Oliver from school. Which is when I typically would be getting home if I were still working at North. Nesting isn’t helping the whole “relaxing” vibes, either. I am constantly finding new things that need cleaning/projects to do. cleanallthings


And when I get too tired from cleaning, and I actually get the chance to sit down, all I want to do is eat/snack and watch old episodes of It’s Always Sunny. #DERPmarshmallow25

BUT! Aside from my urges to clean and run all the errands, being a SAHM is just lovely. I really LOVE being in my house and doing things. I get such a sense of accomplishment when I complete a task. And I LOVE making myself a cup of tea, sitting on my patio in the late morning and watching the yard critters run around…such a sap, but you’d love it too if you saw my backyard in the mornings 🙂

I’ll keep everyone informed about baby happenings, so don’t fret! Right now, Jan, Ollie and I are going to see the new Avengers movie in 3D #bejelly

CIAO~ xo


PS: Images were taken from Hyperbole and a Half– if you haven’t read the book, or seen the site, PLEASE DO bc HILARIOUS and TRUE TRUE.

34 weeks pregnant feels like 40 weeks pregnant.

Some current stats on zeh pregnancy~

Good thoughts/happenings: This time next month, I could be blogging about my BABY instead of my pregnancy 🙂
Complaints/worries: Extremely difficult finding a comfy position for sleeping/not sleeping well (which leads to cranky mornings). Worried I will go into labor early.
CravingsRaisin Bran w/blueberries, deli sandwiches, and Drumstick ice cream cones
Weight gain: 28 actual lbs, 150 feels-like lbs
Stretch marks: nope. Just a lot of tiny skin tags (gross)
Days til due date: 41
Number of clothing I own that I can fit into: 5


I do have a few things still to rant about. Worries. Worrying is something that I do too often and wish I could stop doing. And I am seriously NOT a worrier. This whole “stressed-out/ moody” me is totally pregnancy induced. I worry about my Oliver and how he will handle being a brother. I worry about Jan and how he will handle EVERYTHING. I worry about the birth & hope it goes smoothly/as planned. I worry about being swarmed with too much right after the baby is born. I think a lot about how it will be when baby Frank is home, and I’ll admit I get nervous about it. What will Ollie and Jan think of the new sleep-deprived, seemingly absent mommy who ‘only’ shows baby attention? How will they handle it emotionally, and will it all BE OKAY? #magic8ballsaysaskagainlater

In the last 2 weeks, I have definitely lost a lot of what little energies I had left. By the end of the day (for me, is like 5-6pm), I am ready to lay in my cloud bed with my feet up. Ollie notices. Jan notices. And I truly feel bad for being tired a lot and/or not being able to walk or stand for more than 20 min. It is becoming my reasoning for outbursts and not watching tv shows, but I don’t think the boys fully understand. They just think I “don’t want to hang out” with them and that makes me feel terrible, and I try explaining but they don’t get it so I get more irritable (DO YOU GET WHY I AM MOODY AND EXHAUSTED YET?). Oliver will make remarks when activities are brought up (like biking or playing sports with him) and say things like, “Oh yeah I forgot you can’t do that because you are pregnant.” And then when I try jogging after him when we are crossing the street or rushing to the car in a parking lot, he yells at me, “Mommy, don’t rush! You are pregnant!” So, it is sweet, but I hate being this “sit on the sidelines” kind of mum. And I know it will be like this for a while after baby is here, too. It is just so hard explaining the “why” to a 7-year old (no matter how independent he may seem). It isn’t any easier explaining the “why” to a 31-year old, either. Trust me. I feel the most guilt from ditching out on couch time with Janny boy (because couch time/tv show-watching time is usually the only time we get to spend by ourselves/together, once Ollie is in bed).  Now, add in Frank. A needy newborn who has a crazy sleep schedule and can be soothed by mum’s milk and/or rocking. Kind of cuts back on time I normally spend with my [current] guys. Jan’s mom made the comment “let the competition for Ash’s attention begin!” And I can only imagine how this “competition” will pan out. I am hoping for the BEST and wishing for the SUPER BEST.

Overthinking is the biggest cause of our unhappiness. Keep yourself occupied. Keep your mind off things that don’t help you. Be optimistic. – Anonymous

Thinking more on the upbeat ~ babies are wonderful! The thought of meeting my son fills my heart to the brim, and I know he will light up our family’s lives! Jan being a daddy (for reals), and imagining him holding a tiny mini-him gives me butterflies #notgasipromise
Baby Frank will learn all the things from his big bro, Ollie, and the two of them will be inseparable. I know the first couple months will be rough, but our family is strong! *cue triumphant, WINNING music*

Our next check up is the 30th, and I have to go in for ANOTHER blood draw before then. Doc is checking on my blood sugar again. Not looking forward to that. Damn blood suckers.

Jan and I have attended 2/4 child prep classes now, and I really feel the info (however corny some of the classes may be) is rather helpful. Next week, we get to tour the birthing floor! I have my hospital bag packed and by the front door, too. WE ARE READY(-ish)!

PS: This Friday is my last day at work… I AM ALMOST A REAL STAY-AT-HOME-MOM AND I AM THRILLED!

I leave you w/this:

family photo times

Parenting Woes & Showering Baby Frank

‘Ello, ‘ello. Let’s get all the things up to date, shall we?

So, last Monday Oliver was super sick. I kept him from school because he said his stomach hurt and he wasn’t hungry (which was unusual in itself, because he always eats breakfast). He was tired and slept the whole day. Then around 3pm he starts crying and screaming, holding his stomach. Jan was home because he’d just flown back from Las Vegas that morning, so we kept asking where it hurt. I touched on his abdomen and he freaked out. I have never seen him in that kind of pain. So…I loaded him in the car and went to the ER. Poor thing was writhing in pain, and the nurses checked us in and got a room for him. They put an IV in his arm, which was more unpleasant than anything ever, and gave him morphine for the pain (I know…morphine seemed a bit extreme to me, too, but I guess they do that). We waited around for a while. Oliver looked so pitiful and sad, and kept saying things like “I’m scared, Mommy” and “I don’t want anything bad to happen to me” which broke my soul into a million little pieces. Thank god Jan was there to comfort ME and lighten Ollie’s mood. Jan was making Ollie laugh with jokes about which “belly jelly” the nurse will use for his ultrasound. They took my loopy Oliver back to get an ultrasound. Ollie made some cute remarks to the tech about “blueberry jelly” and told her it was ok when she pushed on his tummy because she’s “gotta do what she’s gotta do”…adorbs. They found nothing on the ultrasound, and gave us the option for a CT scan. I am terrified at this point. They were thinking it was his appendix this whole time, but couldn’t seem to locate it. So, I signed the paperwork for the scan (what else was I to do?), and in Ollie went.

smiling once we were told we could go home

He called it a “donut space ship” 🙂 The results from that weren’t helpful, either. By this time, Oliver had to have another IV put in his other arm because the 1st one “blew out” and was filling his skin with saline stuff- this was terrifying because I could see the pocket under his skin filling up and he was screaming and the nurses were TOO SLOW but I couldn’t touch anything! Eventually, we got passed that though. The doc came back in (this would be around hour 6), and told us it might just be constipation and we could go home. #RAGING
Since then, Ollie has had a follow up appointment with his pediatrician. She said it was a stomach virus that has been going around, and to keep him hydrated while it passes through his system. What a way to start that week. Oliver is doing much better, and I’m just glad it wasn’t anything serious!

32 weeks, y’all

I, also, went to the doctor last week. Just my regular OB check up- weight (188 lb), belly measured, heartbeat heard, next appt scheduled. I’m 32 weeks and 2 days now! Baby Frank is growing big, and moving around in there ALL DAY LONG. It feels like he’s rolling, and looks like waves on my skin. So neat! Neatness aside, I feel huge (nothing new) and find myself short of breath alllllll the time. Walking up/down stairs: panting like I ran a marathon. Getting up and out of bed in the morning: embarrassingly difficult. My hunger levels are wild, and at any given point in my day you will see me eating something. I still want to do normal tasks (yard work, house stuff, etc), but the whole baby-in-my-diaphragm thing kind of makes “work” (of any kind) impossible. Five weeks til I’m full term, and baby Frank can’t get here soon enough!
Over this last weekend, Whit and Cassie threw a lovely little baby shower for me! It was adorable and fun and perfect! They had a POSH party slash shower- and for those who haven’t heard of POSH, please check it out #sofun The decorations, the setting, the FOOD, the girly stuff, the game/gifts… all of it was super. And I am one grateful momma!

Grandma Jos (Jan’s mum), Cassie, Sheri, ME, Riss, Whit & Cindy

the spread 🙂

The guest list was small, but so’s my “list” of friends. Everyone who came knew how much it meant, and I’m so thankful to have people in my life who care about me/this baby the way they do. Especially Whit and Cassie. Those ladies get me 🙂  Pretty soon, they will have a wee one to dote on and shower with lovies!

That’s my tummy! On Roberta’s business cards!

My schedule has been kind of jammed full these days. Between Oliver’s activities (piano, gymnastics, soccer practice and games), prenatal yoga (can’t leave that out!), my doctor’s appointments, and this child prep class Jan and I have coming up, there’s gonna be a lot to do before Frank arrives! I think it will help the time pass by quickly. Yoga is still a part of this pregnancy- even though my endurance/ability to breathe has left. I can do standing poses and transitions ok, but others are getting trickier. Downward dog and child’s pose have to be done with a much wider stance to accommodate belly. And stretching my hips feels amazing, but (again!) bigger belly means alterations. I really look forward to my weekly prenatal classes at Indigo, because it is like a little club I am in. And we are all showing off our bellies and moves! I’m curious how many more classes I will make it to!

In other news- my last day at work is approaching. I have 12 1/2 [working] days to go, and am scrambling to get my caseload and kids in order before I leave. It will be a change being home, but it is one that I welcome with open bird arms. I’m ready to begin this new adventure with my baby~


Week 30 is here and on its way out, so that means we are counting down into single-digit weeks, people! Franky Boy is gearing up and putting on the chubby-cheek pounds for his big debut! I did have that second glucose screening a couple weeks ago and ALL WAS WELL (yay!) #tinyvictories I had to go in to the lab first thing in the morning to have my blood drawn because they want you to fast for 12 hours (ugh), which turns into 15-16 hours once all the blood draws are done (UGHHHH). It wasn’t too bad, but I was SO hungry when I got out of there that my hands were shaking. BUT! Those results were normal, so I don’t know why my first test was so “elevated”…

Anyway~ third trimester happenings: I weigh 186 lbs now (total weight gained=23 lbs). I’ve been craving sweets but only immediately after eating something salty. I feel way huge, like, it is a struggle sitting up out of bed every morning. I can’t really do ANYTHING without being short of breath, and baby is moving/kicking me all over in there making it trickier to do anything really.   The nursery is ready except for a few items! I’ve received several baby gifts from some very lovely friends/fam so far, and it REALLY is so appreciated. I still have us registered at Target for those reading this and wanting to buy a gift! I have another check-up appointment next Thursday afternoon, and I think I’ll ask about an ultrasound. I think he said he would do one to make sure the baby is in the correct position, but I don’t know for sure when or if that will happen.

nursery is coming along nicely!

I am still working here at North High with my lovely caseload of students. I really love what I do here, and will miss it when I have to leave. This is one of the most unstressful, rewarding jobs I’ve had, and I’ve only got about 20 working days left before I finish! There are a couple students (and a teacher or two) who have told me that I’m “not allowed” to leave, which makes me happy and sad at the same time. I know they appreciate me, and I’m guessing they will miss me when I’m gone…

we R so kewt

Speaking of MISSING people! My Janny Boy is back home FINALLY! He was in Kansas for 3 weeks on business (bc he is awesome and in charge of shit), but is home now. I missed him oodles upon boatloads!! Yeah, yeah I know you all thoroughly enjoy reading my mushies and whatnot. Jan is the best and I love him and happy and kisses and marriage and omg we are having a real baby soon and HECANNEVERLEAVEAGAIN4E!

Spring Break (said in my James Franco voice) came and went ,as well. My MUM and SISTER came here to visit Ollie and I for several days, and it was just SO GOOD~


shopping day!

sister sister💕👏

My dear sister, Lou, drove up from Colorado (a tedious 13-hr drive) last Tuesday & Mum flew in the following morning. AND SO OUR REUNION VISIT BEGAN! T’was so marvelous and lovely having them here. Lou had been here once before, but this was Momma’s first time to the wonderful city of Davenport. She met Jan’s folks over lunchies one afternoon. I gave her the GRAND tour at the “Linnberg Mansion” after we ate, and then we sat around and chatted about this and that. She had nothing but nice things to say about it #duh. I just realized we didn’t take a photo of them together! Grr. Will have to do so when she comes back in a couple months! Anyway, Lou and Oliver were pretty much inseparable the entire time. Oliver is a Lou hog. And I’m pretty sure she’s had enough of Beyblade battles- especially since Ollie insisted on changing the rules so he’d win everytime! We did get some movie time, Whitey’s & Happy Joe’s Pizza, and lots of slugging around in while they were here. Friday, we went shopping for baby things 🙂 Ma is already spoiling her grandson! Jeff and Whit stopped by briefly one night and got to meet my ma. That was nice of them! Jan came back Friday night and was able to spend a little time with everyone before they had to leave. After Lou left Saturday morning, Jan went to help our bff’s move into their new house (A WHOLE OTHER EXCITING THING THAT HAPPENED #YAY). Mom, Ollie and I ventured out to see the town a bit. It was warmer that morning, so I drove down by the river and took Ma to the Farmer’s Market. I explained how big and awesomely fun it gets in the summer time (because right now there aren’t too many vendors and a LOT less people), but she did get to see/hear an older gentleman playing his cello on the stage for a bit. Which was so cool, by the way. He was playing it sideways, and was really good at it.  We went to lunchies at 11th Street in the East Village. So, so yummy. After the running around, we came back home to chill and stuff. Momma packed up her things and got ready for the flight back to Florida. Jan did come home in time to say goodbye to her, and I drove her to the airport. It is always less fun hugging goodbye, BUT it wasn’t that bad this time because we knew we would see each other VERY soon. I mean, this baby is coming in like, 2 months!

I’ve been wondering about how Oliver will handle Frank. I’m sure it will all turn out fine, but I get a little strange worry-like feeling sometimes thinking about it. “Ollie, this is Frank. You are a big brother now!” and I can see him being pumped about it, but also not wanting to hold or be around him at first. Not sure if it’s because he is an only child and he won’t be soon, or if it’s because he is a kid and kids don’t typically love babies. Hell, some adults don’t love babies, so I don’t really expect him to fall in love with Frank immediately. I don’t want him to feel neglected, and have explained to him how infants need a lot of mommy’s attention. I’ve talked about how that doesn’t mean I am going to ignore him purposefully, and that he is still my Ollie forever and ever…but no parent can really fully prepare their first born for his/her sibling. I need to think up some possible ideas for celebrating Oliver when Frank is born (because I think that will make it more fun for him). Like, bake him a big brother cake or get him gifts or both!


And ANOTHER happy/celebratory thing that happened***** ———->

Jan’s older bro, BJ, (FINALLY) got hitched to his darling lady this week! I, obviously, couldn’t make it to their ceremony in the MOUNTAINS, but I am still so thrilled for them. And don’t they look DASHING!? Gah.. can’t wait to see them and hugs them when they come visit this summer 🙂

**Until next post!**