My first month as a Linnberg

Just about a month ago, Jan and I married with our toes in the sand! A whole MONTH already! And it took a month to get my name officially changed- paperwork, and lines and mail and paperwork and fees and waiting. But I made it. Came out the other side a Linnberg. Ash Linnberg. Ashley Linnberg. Mrs. Linnberg. …WEEEIRD. A little neat, but still weird. Wondering when speaking it out loud and using the phrase “my husband” will feel normal. Speaking of- my husband and I have been living the good married life and haven’t found reasons to kill each other. #marriedAF Every morning is a fresh one. Fresh snuggles and fresh eggs and fresh kisses and hugs. He claims marriage makes everything better, too. The way his clothes fit, the air, the food, house chores…everything is BETTER. Can’t argue him. I get better every damn day. ZING!

It’s almost June now, and school is coming to a close. Oliver is pumped! And *I* will have a FOURTH GRADER on my hands. Yeesh. The summer for our family will be packed with weekends outdoors, weekday park and pool trips, playdates, yoga, and family stuff. I intend on making more trips to the farm for hangs (both Linnberg and Olson farms), and having cook outs regularly. We may spend our days feeding ducks and going for walks and swimming or playgrounding. I want to get to the family museum every once and a while, too. Just so many THINGS I have planned, and only 12 weeks to do it all. On top of kid and family plans, I’m making personal goals for ME. I want and need to revisit my yoga books from school. Study up and learn and apply. I also have some books to read on deepening my yoga practice and spiritual connection shit that I am hoping is more “good vibes” than “praise the lord”. But if you know me and books, my track record for finishing a book is no bueno. Unless it is about magic and mythology #wishmeluck

Arthur, my nephew, is turning ONE already in less than a week! #T I M E F L I E S * and Frank will be TWO in a a couple weeks. We are throwing him a dinosaur/ Jurassic Park themed party! Kind of excited to decorate and bake and host. I really don’t mind it, and our house isn’t THAT bad at hosting our brood of fam and friends. Planning on it being outside with a blow up pool to splash in, piñata, games, and cupcakes! I mean, the kid is turning 2…the party is really for me, right?

summing it all up: life is good.

Can not complain much, even though I do. My family is happy and healthy. We have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. I have great friends, amazing kids, and a husband who truly LOVES me. So yeah.. hashtag blessed.

PS*** tooting my yoga horn*** check out my class schedule and come to a class or two or three or ETC

 

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because love

We, as humans, are lucky enough to fall in love. However many times, however long, however blissful or painful… we can feel love and give love unconditionally. It is incredible, isn’t it? Through all the heartbreak and fights and down and outs and loneliness we may feel, there is always love. Really BIG love. Heart-wrenching, body-aching, head-over-heels love. I consider myself lucky! Jan is that big love. After nearly 6 years (2 of which were long distance!), I still have butterflies… He makes my heart pound so hard I clutch my chest. He makes me crazy with frustration and wild with lust. He takes away my worry and amplifies my joy. He is the most considerate and the most forgiving. He is always the center of attention and he is always the funniest person in the room. He gets me. He makes me feel beautiful. He cares about my feelings and encourages my goals. And he truly loves me. ME. He knows my faults, and loves me regardless. It is the kind of love that makes single people cringe. For real.
So, why do I brag, I mean blog, about this? Because I am happy. And because I love expression through words. #nerd

…”you become your own personal therapist. and when you really commit to the process, you find yourself saying exactly what you need to hear.” -Frankie, Grace&Frankie

I don’t ever expect anything to come about from my blogging. Ever. Or my journaling. The only “reason” I have written/vented/complained on paper or online, is to help myself. It is [free] self help. It is therapeutic. It’s the whole get-things-off-my-chest/ clean slate feeling. When I finish journaling or blogging, I feel fresh. Like a BIG BIG sigh. All the shit that floats and swirls around in my brain gets put somewhere else. And often times, I am forced to deal with shit I may have been avoiding. Therapy. See? So, if you are someone who has never kept a diary or written lists or blogged, please try it. There is only clarity. Or full-on random rants. Either way, good stuff.

fam

Other good stuff: My babies. Being a mother is unlike any other adventure I could have imagined.  My boys challenge me EVERY GOD DAMN DAY, and I am a better person because of them. Mothers are the least judgmental and most judgmental people I know..but it makes sense. We are in charge of tiny humans. We are responsible for their well-being and upbringing (shout out to all single moms and dads out there!) and all the in-between shit. We are their end-all…their favorite people and their worst nightmares. But we KNOW that, and we parent on anyway. Our kids won’t always think we are the greatest thing since Daniel Tiger, and they won’t always stay little. Having an 8-year-gap between my two boys really puts time in perspective. I love my Oliver very differently than I do Frank. Is that ok to say? I mean it like this. I love Ollie with a respect and expectation that I can’t love Frank with right now. And I love Frank with a sense of wonder …oh fuck it. I sound ridiculous. My point is! The age difference between my babies is amazing. I love it. I love how I can equally share time and experiences with them without feeling guilty. Oliver is a HUGE help and loves his baby brother so much…

I am just full of love. ALL THE LOVE. My family is amazing. I am happy in love. I get to marry the man of my DREAMS, and I’m bursting. It is fucking pathetic how full of love I am. And also grateful… I appreciate my life. My kids. My man… It is such an overwhelming feeling I welcome with open arms. I deserve this. Everyone deserves to feel this.

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My Janny and I will be reunited in less than 2 weeks. CAN YOU FEEL THE EXCITEMENT!?!!!?

 

When your person is away…

As most of you know, Jan is in Afghanistan till March. You know, saving the world and being beautiful and flirting with women in burkas. So this leaves myself, Ollie, Frank, Odin and 3 cats to tend to the house and each other for 6 months. After 2 weeks and 2 days, I can honestly say that this isn’t my ideal situation. I mean, I’ve had bouts of crying, eating, drinking, hiding in the bathroom, sleeplessness, depression, hysterics, denial, and fake smiling. I’ve also cried into my cat more than once. Literally. I put my face on Dennis’s body and sobbed..and you know what? It made me feel equally psychotic and relieved. And Dennis doesn’t seem to mind. I knew all these things would arise. I’d feel all the feels and have struggles maintaining the kids and house and chores and whatnot. It really helps that many of my lovely friends have reached out to help…seriously! It doesn’t go unnoticed, and I will (eventually, if not already) take you up on the offer. Whether it’s babysitting while I shower/get a manicure, or cooking dinner for us, or just being an ear to vent to- I truly love all of you for the support. It means everything. Also, putting up with me is just something you’ll have to do. So, sorryimnotsorry about any mood swings that may occur.

I do get to chat with Janny most days, and it’s what I look forward to the most. That, and it being a reasonable hour for me to have a beer. Can I say that? #nojudgement
His face and voice and antics make me happy. And nobody will ever make me laugh like he can, so it’s great when I do get to hear from him bc laughter is a great mood lifter. He seems to be doing ok, even though his room looks like a scarier version of my college dorm room. Despite his tiredness (from working 7 days a week, 8-10 hours/day), he still manages to make time for me and the boys. Always with a smile or a joke… He is just the best, really. I love him more than I can express.

I’m blogging today from my front porch while Arthur and Frank nap, so I’m trying to hurry through*
U MMMM

OH! This is my BIRTHDAY MONTH!! Yes, yes, yes..I know you’ve ALL been wondering when you could send me gifts and vodka, and I’m pleased to tell you the wait it OVER! Send me all the things! I turn (had to think about it, counting the years on my fingers) 31 this Thursday, and I’ll probably bring in the new age with baby vomit, shitty diapers, and microwave corndogs. And all that, in all its yucky and blahness, is okay. I love being me and I love my life here. I love the chaos and the to-do lists and the babies and all of it. I love it because I worked hard to get here. I’m a good mama with a sense of humor (which, let’s be real, a lot of moms don’t have!), and I worked hard this summer and made sacrifices to get my yoga instructor certificate! I’m proud of me. And I’m proud of my family. I’m in love with the man of my dreams- like, insane, over-the-moon, can’t catch my breath, exploding heart, big BIG love. My boys are healthy and beautiful and SMART. I love my house and my neighborhood. I love DENNIS… There is so much to be thankful for, and my heart is overflowing with gratitude.

On that note~ I want you to get happy, too, and find some goodness in your day/life! Hold on to it, and enjoy positive moments! I sound like a hippy, but what I’m saying and feel is true:

One happy moment in your day can change your entire outlook!

Find that moment and spread good vibes 🙂

XO

#SAHMlife and updates

My life revolves around my boys (duh). Keeping them up-to-date on happenings and dates and sports and lists and goings on is my jam. And I kind of love it. I’m sort of a beacon for anything…they look to me for lots of things everyday, and I truly appreciate it. Being a mom is a lot more than 3 little letters~ I run this ish. That being said, I know how important it is to live in the now and love something in every day on top of knowing what needs to get done and what needs planning. It is a CRAZY unexplainable process, but somehow it gets done. I’m not taking full credit here (because Jan is a pretty damn good parent, too!), there is just something that needs to be said for moms #SUPERPOWERS

Since my last entry, life is doing what it does- just chugging along. My sweet baby Frank is, too. He is crawling e v e r y w h e r e, growing teeth, pointing at all the things and grunting, waving hi & bye occasionally, and still co-sleeping with yours truly. This week I have been cracking down on moving Frank to his crib. Mostly because my sister will be looking after him for a week in May while I’m out of town, and I don’t want her to have issues with him sleeping in the bed. I need to get Frank on a new schedule where he’s not waking up 3 times a night to nurse. It’s been interesting so far, I mean, it’s only been a couple nights and he’s slept in the crib from 9pm-1am, so… Stay tuned & wish me luck!

27lbs, 30 inches tall, and still the happiest baby boy

4 tiny teeth!

mat time with mama #babytreepose

Jan and I just celebrated our 5-YEAR anniversary, BTDUBZ! No big whoop except HE’S THE FOREVER LOVE OF MY LIFE etc etc mushiness. We partied downtown for St Pattys weekend, and danced and drank and loved…it was oodles of good times. It’s strange only 5 years have gone by- it feels longer. We’ve been through 2 years of long-distance dating (4-hours apart), buying a house, ODIN, and now Franky boy… I just feel stupid lucky because he is the best. THE best. Mostly and usually, anyway. 🙂


  

Another cool thing that is going to be happening soon:

I’m going to get my yoga certification this summer!!!!

Classes begin at the end of May and finish in August, so come September, I’ll be a certified yoga instructor! And I’m just ABSOLUTLEY thrilled/nervous/overjoyed to be able to pursue something I’m this passionate about !! (Cue the yoga pics!)

  
  
  
  
SO! I’ve got plenty to look forward to: Frank crawling/learning to walk, Oliver finishing 2nd grade!, traveling lots, yoga school, and new baby Linnberg (Whitney is due in 2 months!)!!

Feels pretty great to be me. #loveyourlife

NAMASTE

 

 

Exercising mind and body #quickblog

Your mind and your body are yours forever. They’re the only ones you will get.

SO, filling them with good things and avoiding the bad is always a plus. I know lots of twenty somethings and thirty somethings who have muddled minds/stress/things that cloud their pretty little heads, and I know a lot of them handle/deal with it fine. What I want to write about is having children AND dealing with all the other/normal stress on top of it. To all the mums out there who have 2 or more kids under 6 yrs: YOU IMPRESS THE SHIT OUT OF ME. I have my battles from time to time with handling the 7-year gap between my boys & can’t imagine having to worry about more than one infant/toddler all the time. Ollie is a great big bro, hands down like, the best! And he seems so grown up about most things that I forget he is JUST 8 yrs old, and I should ALWAYS be conscious of that. Example: Oliver is a sensitive soul. He loves me more than most and is clearly affected by my emotions. Lately, he has been getting more easily upset about my feelings and attitude towards him when he thinks I’m mad at him. It happens a lot when I tell or ask him to do something and he has to stop doing what he’s doing (watching TV, playing a game, etc). But he gets SO emotional about my reaction to his reaction that (I admit) I sometimes lose my temper and raise my voice at him, “No, I’m not mad at you but I’m getting real annoyed with you asking me that all the time” sort of thing. And it happened tonight right before bed, which I HATE (#nevergotobedangry), and I actually tucked him in and left his room with him being sad/whimpery. After a few minutes, I got my shit together and had to tell myself that he is my boy. My little Oliver. And he is the kid and *I* am the parent, and I shouldn’t react like this when he gets upset. So, I went back in his room and snuggled up on him and asked if I could lay there for a while. I held him for a bit and he calmed down and said, “I love you, mommy” (AND THEN I DIED OMG YOU GUYS). I do worry about how I’m raising my boys, and if I’m “doing it the right way” or making them good dudes and stuff. But then little things like ^that^ will happen and I’m reassured I’m not doing a bad job so far. My mind is always swimming with thoughts, but especially as night before bed. Hundreds of thoughts just swirling around up there, reminding me, checking me, scolding me, kicking my brains with no place to go. I try to give my mind some order by listing and sorting things out one at a time. “To-do lists” are my favorite thing ever, and so far pretty successful. I get the lists written down/noted on my iPhone/blogged/out of my mind so I can sleep better at night. Even if it is just a little bit better. When the thoughts aren’t cluttering everything, it is way easier to meditate or relax. ANOTHER REASON I LOVE YOGA #helpful!! I don’t know if that is considered “exercising” your mind, but it sure feels like it to me. If not, I’m sure all that Words With Friends and sudoku is helping my brain sweat. Ew. Sweaty brains.

Then there is exercising that BOD. I think that I have come a long way (fitness-wise). Actually, I’ve never been as serious about exercising as I have been this last year! Not in my whole 30 years of living! YESIM30 omg. I just wanna blog/vent about it, though, so I can look back on this time in my life when I’m 9 months preggo with my next baby and be all, “SHIT YEAH I CAN GET MY BOD BACK!” *disclaimer: I am definitely not pregnant right now…Currently, I get my fitness on  60-90 minutes, 4-5 days/week.  Usually Monday-Friday in the mornings and some Saturday mornings if I can. I feel great, too. I’ve taken to running a little bit, and really like mixing my daily yoga with a few miles. Who knows what the future holds, but I’m open to all the exercises! It is getting me super pumped for the new year. New year means a LIST of “to-dos” to better myself and my family, and I l o v e lists and fresh starts. And my family, too, I suppose 🙂


 

I’ll be blogging (more regularly!) come 2016! Catch you lovelies on the flip flop~

 

I don’t trust a mom who doesn’t drink coffee

Caffeine (a dedication)

The smell, the taste, the anticipation
First sips, mmm
Hot or iced, day or night
You keep me going
I love you, Lifeblood
Fin

I just wanted to put that out there. I love coffee (and tea, too) so much. It clears the grogginess every morning, and gives me boosts when my mom powers fade. Any person (mothers, especially) who claims they don’t like/need/drink coffee, is dead to me. *if you are one of these non-coffee people and I am currently your friend, keep it to yourself or prepare for shunning.

And on that note, I will tell you all about my happenings/adventures as of late! Oliver’s fall soccer ended last week, so now he is down to flag football (piano & gymnastics) till basketball starts. I’m proud of how much he’s improved with soccer, and I know he really enjoys playing. Football is another story. Most of the kids on his team don’t really know what’s going on anyway, but then Dad’s Club rules are different than regular football so they really have a hard time. It’s pretty fun to watch the games,though. I don’t think Ollie will be doing it again next time around (but, we will see). He’s been doing well in school, and conferences went well. I’ve never had any real topics of discussion to bring to the table when it came to parent/teacher conferences until this year. So far, Oliver hasn’t brought home any homework. Maybe once, but there is no consistent day he will have to do homework. I do not think this is ok,and am confused what is going on. His teacher assured me he is getting the challenges he needs, and she will improve on things I suggested. We will see. And then there is Halloween. It’s nearly trick-or-treat time! Baby Frank is going as a shark, so Ollie requested I make him a shark, too. I made his costume this last weekend (with Whit), and he gets to wear it today at school for their class parade! It looks pretty good if I say so myself. I finished my sarlacc costume, too! So fun!

Baby Frank is, as always, the light of my life. He is always happy and always making everyone around him smile. I am pretty damn lucky. The thing is, he still wakes up about 2-3 times a night to eat. And the last few nights he wakes every hour. He’s been eating rice cereal with fruits for breakfast, and oatmeal with vegetables for dinner for a little over a week now. I thought that would make a difference with his sleep, but I also think he is teething. He is sleeping in his crib about half the time during the night, and the other half he’s in bed with me. I’ll transition him into the crib more …just got to let him cry it out maybe? Ugh. That will suck. I can’t even believe he is almost 5 months old already! INSANE! #theygrowsofast

 

my babes.

My yoga practice continues to make me stronger and saner. I make sure to take at least 20-30 minutes each day to meditate/breathe/work on poses and strength. If i’m lucky enough to get a full hour in, it’s even better! I can usually get to a class at Shine! on Tuesdays or Wednesday mornings, and hot yoga at Sol on Thursday mornings. The tricky part is getting a sitter to make the classes- thankfully Shine! has daycare in the studio! I’m starting to focus more/put more time and energy into my practice. As some of you know, I plan on getting my yoga instructor certificate (maybe next year?) so I always keep that in mind when I’m on the mat. I hope to teach prenatal yoga someday, too. #GOALS

gotta start somewhere

Speaking of goals::::: I want to run a lot more. I will run a lot more. I want to work up to running a half/full marathon. AM I CRAZY?! NO! I AM MOTIVATED #runningisforthebirds #iamabirdlady

SO~ Halloween. Transitioning baby. Goals… Wish me luck. On all fronts.

Being a super hero

I’ve devised this list of things and ideas on being a SUPER MOM:

  • Newborns are like the evil step sisters from Cinderella (only not-so-much evil) ~always ringing the bell/needing something. Which makes me Cinderella only slightly less magical & thin. 
  • My son is a snacker. He nurses on one boob for 5 minutes and dozes off until I try to lay him down, then he freaks out and wants 3 minutes on the other boob. Why? Because he can. He is getting fuller for longer stints of time now that he’s 3 weeks old, but still not nursing for more than 10 min at a time (I think that’s normal?). And I don’t really mind being needed by the most adorable person in the world. 

    snoozing after a snack (3 weeks old)

     
  • Multi-tasking before I had a baby vs after. Most all things I was capable of doing pre-baby I’m able to do with baby in-tow. EX: cooking/eating/tending to other things with one hand is totally possible and Moms should be given gold effing medals for it alone! Going potty while nursing isn’t something I’m proud of, but it happens.  Showers, though a LOT less frequent than before, are doable with baby in his bassinet on the floor (shower sounds are calming!)
  • How many diapers  my son uses in a day is insane. Seriously, I don’t even know the exact amount, but it is a lot. SO. MANY. POOPS. I’ve gotten quite good at changing a diaper in under 20 seconds. #professionaldiaperchanger And have only been pooped on twice. 
  • My body. Ten days after I gave birth, I had lost 22 lbs. TWENTY. #holyshit And I don’t have much to say as far as how it happened, but I’d like to thank breastfeeding and the fact that I was practicing yoga regularly. My recovery is tremendously faster this time around. With Oliver, I didn’t feel as “normal” as I do now until Ollie was almost 7 months old!  

    taken last weekend (me and Roberta, my yoga mom)

     
  • Nipple spoiled is a thing, I’m sure. Frank has been nursing and pacifying at the breast and will not take a pacifier/soothie/binkie/nada. So, there’s that. #momifier
  • In-laws. I love my in-laws, really I do. But there is a limit to how much visiting one can take post-baby. I won’t rant or talk shit, but I will say this: mommys and daddys need THEIR OWN TIME with baby. 
  • Supermom powers are real. Like, really real. But so are Superdad powers. I am undeniably grateful for Jan and how much he helps/offers help with everything. He and I wear our superhero pants proudly (well, he wears a singlet, but you probably assumed that much).
  • Super powers aside, we ARE sleeping in separate beds … I hate it, but it’s what works for us for now. I feel bad that he isn’t getting a full-night’s sleep, and needs more z’s. I’m sure this will only be very temporary, as Frank starts getting more sleep at night. It will be a transition, but that’s parenting!
  • Oliver is adorable with baby! He is loving and attentive and so good at being a brother! The boys can be seen on Instagram together w/ #OllieandFrankyboy

best big brother ever

And now, some photos!

week-old Frank

2-weeks old

  

3-weeks old

  

“Just walk away”- Lord Humongous, best-dressed bad guy (PS: NO FRANK, YET)

Well, here we are. Large and round at 38 weeks (and 1 day) pregnant. And by “we” I mean me. No one else is sharing in the uncomfortableness quite the same way. My belly is “out there” and always in the way, my hands are somewhat swollen and tingly, I’m having more and more contractions (accompanied by the occasional twinge in the pelvic area), and I sleep restlessly and wake up at least once in the middle of the night to pee. On top of the “normal” pregnancy side effects, I get asked e v e r y d a y about the baby. “Is Frank here yet?”, “no baby?”, “when are you having that baby?”…I PROMISE IT WILL NOT BE KEPT A SECRET WHEN HE GETS HERE, GUYS. And trust me, I (above all others) am more than ready to meet the little bugger. Your concern and asking/checking in is well-received but also slightly annoying, bc all I want to do is have this baby at this point. Love you all, and I assure you Frank will arrive when he wants to and you will all be notified.
There is a lot I do everyday to help pass the time, and there is a lot I do to encourage the babe to show himself. I exercise (yoga, walking, weeding/gardening, house chores) throughout the day.

continuing my practice has been a huge help

38 weeks pregnancy shelf

I walk lots. I do my kegels and squats like a good little lady, and still nothing. Maybe I am doing too much? Is that a thing? Is too much activity working against me in this? #lesigh Frank is probably in there like “NEVAAA!!!” I suppose I will just keep on doing normal things and accept the fact that baby will arrive when he’s good and ready. After all, the longer he’s in there, the chubbier he gets! #ILOVECHUBBYBABIES

Recent happenings:

~Oliver went on a trip with his dad to Chicago this last weekend. I’m actually waiting for him to come home (should be today around lunch time). His dad took him to the aquarium Friday and they stayed in a hotel, then went to a wildlife preserve and saw/fed buffalo camped outside Saturday. Yesterday, they went to a water park… Just lots and lots of fun stuff! I’m sure he is thrilled about coming home to boring ol me- mommy who is too pregnant to do all the things! I am really looking forward to him being back, though. Nothing is the same/normal when he is away. And he is my favorite little man.

~My belly bump at 38 weeks looks so much smaller than it did when I was pregnant with Ollie. Not complaining or anything, just noticing that maybe the 65+ lbs I gained my first pregnancy didn’t look this “cute” (even though I feel I’ve complained a lot more about uncomfortableness this pregnancy).

~I invited friends over Saturday for an impromptu grill out, and it was lovely. Cass, Kev, Whit, Jeff, Jos, Jay & a couple of dude bros of Jan’s showed up. Good turn out, good convos, and good foods. Reminded me of the cook out get-togethers we had at my grandma’s house growing up. Neighbors and family chatting at picnic tables, the plethora of side dishes scattered on the counters, and kids running amuck… all the stuff my childhood is made up of.  I always wanted that for me and my family, too. Effortless gatherings filled with a sort of balanced chaos that only OUR family/friends understood and appreciated. Home. Home is where I’m surrounded by all the good things and people I love… I have to say that it really felt like home. And I enjoy entertaining/hosting things like that, too. #homeiswhereverimwithyou

~I watched a couple movies this weekend (per Jan): Road Warrior and Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. I just want to say that anyone who says, “Road Warrior is better than Thunderdome” needs to RE-WATCH it. RW was hilariously awful. Mel Gibson probably said 20 words the whole movie, and when there was dialog, it was dull/made no sense/poorly written. The action sequences were alright (not better than Thunderdome, duh), but the best thing about the movie were the bad guys and their leader. Lord Humongous and his leather-clad, nambla gang were everything. Their wardrobe and scenes made the movie. Thunderdome was better all around. With characters like Master Blaster, Aunt Entity (TINA TURNER) and a brood of wild children, it is clearly the better movie. #notawasteoftimereally I won’t go into detail for those who haven’t watched it and want to, but I will say that you really don’t need to see Road Warrior to enjoy/understand Thunderdome. I’m looking forward to seeing the new one in theaters w/ Janny Boy (that is, if baby decides to stay put a little longer).

And so that brings us to today. A gorgeous Monday in the neighborhood. My lawn is freshly mowed (thanks, bae), my floors are clean, and my dog is sleeping. A nice, quiet morning thus far #cantcomplain I think I might go for a walk before Oliver gets home. Or go see what Jay is up to. Or bake cookies. Or I could nap… SO MANY CHOICES!

I’m hoping the next time you see a blog post from me I will have a little baby to write about. 🙂

 

 

Being a winner makes me sweaty

I can recall only a few times in my life where I was a winner of something. Like the time I bought a scratch ticket at a janky gas station near Marshall, IL, and instantly won $500. Or the time I went to Chicago with a bachelorette party and met the man of my dreams (CHA-CHING!). Those moments had me like Magic So when MY name was drawn from a hat to win a GLORIOUS diaper bag full of marvelous prizes, I was totes like YayHyperbole And when my name was read as the “WINNER,” I instantly started sweating (and nearly cried) because #HORMONAL? The goodie bag was from/put together by my prenatal yoga instructor, the lovely Roberta. (to see a photo of the bag and it’s treats, visit my Instagram page)

Oliver has not been winning lately. Last week, he’d gotten into trouble at school which rendered him video game-less, tablet-less, and grounded. He was having behavioral issues, ones we’ve discussed before at length, and I decided it was time to take away the electronics until further notice. He seems to have taken the punishment well, and has actually turned to other activities instead (biking, riding his scooter, outside things, and Legos) which makes me one happy parent. Not to mention, he’s been playing really WELL in soccer #proudmom

Sunday was our last installment of child prep classes by CHAR. I know Jan was real sad about it. I have to say, the classes were slightly less cheesy than I anticipated. Slow dancing and encouraging whispers aside, the information provided was SUPER helpful. It was more than a refresher course for me, because I honestly forgot about lots of things labor-wise and procedure-wise. And Jan even admitted to learning a thing or two 🙂

As we round the 36-weeks mark, I can’t help but wonder and think about what Frank will look like. Will he have dark hairs all over his head? Will he have chubby cheeks? Will he be just the DARLINGEST baby of EVER? Yes. Yes to all things adorable. I’ve been feeling a lot of “prep” contractions, and also feel him dwelling rather low these days. I also can’t contain my urges to clean and ready the house and yard, so nesting is in full effect. Now, we just wait it out!

I’ve been given a list of movies/tv shows to slide in my watch cue while I’m home. Parenthood, The Mindy Project, a ton of Netflix movies, and Orange is the New Black (when it comes out). I think people assume because I am now a SAHM, I have tons of extra time on my hands, when I actually have very little “extra” time. Between caring for Odin (who is on a few different drugs currently- treating an eye infection), the cats, laundry, floors, and other chores/errands, I literally don’t sit down until after I get Oliver from school. Which is when I typically would be getting home if I were still working at North. Nesting isn’t helping the whole “relaxing” vibes, either. I am constantly finding new things that need cleaning/projects to do. cleanallthings

 

And when I get too tired from cleaning, and I actually get the chance to sit down, all I want to do is eat/snack and watch old episodes of It’s Always Sunny. #DERPmarshmallow25

BUT! Aside from my urges to clean and run all the errands, being a SAHM is just lovely. I really LOVE being in my house and doing things. I get such a sense of accomplishment when I complete a task. And I LOVE making myself a cup of tea, sitting on my patio in the late morning and watching the yard critters run around…such a sap, but you’d love it too if you saw my backyard in the mornings 🙂

I’ll keep everyone informed about baby happenings, so don’t fret! Right now, Jan, Ollie and I are going to see the new Avengers movie in 3D #bejelly

CIAO~ xo

 

PS: Images were taken from Hyperbole and a Half– if you haven’t read the book, or seen the site, PLEASE DO bc HILARIOUS and TRUE TRUE.

34 weeks pregnant feels like 40 weeks pregnant.

Some current stats on zeh pregnancy~

Good thoughts/happenings: This time next month, I could be blogging about my BABY instead of my pregnancy 🙂
Complaints/worries: Extremely difficult finding a comfy position for sleeping/not sleeping well (which leads to cranky mornings). Worried I will go into labor early.
CravingsRaisin Bran w/blueberries, deli sandwiches, and Drumstick ice cream cones
Weight gain: 28 actual lbs, 150 feels-like lbs
Stretch marks: nope. Just a lot of tiny skin tags (gross)
Days til due date: 41
Number of clothing I own that I can fit into: 5

boom.

I do have a few things still to rant about. Worries. Worrying is something that I do too often and wish I could stop doing. And I am seriously NOT a worrier. This whole “stressed-out/ moody” me is totally pregnancy induced. I worry about my Oliver and how he will handle being a brother. I worry about Jan and how he will handle EVERYTHING. I worry about the birth & hope it goes smoothly/as planned. I worry about being swarmed with too much right after the baby is born. I think a lot about how it will be when baby Frank is home, and I’ll admit I get nervous about it. What will Ollie and Jan think of the new sleep-deprived, seemingly absent mommy who ‘only’ shows baby attention? How will they handle it emotionally, and will it all BE OKAY? #magic8ballsaysaskagainlater

In the last 2 weeks, I have definitely lost a lot of what little energies I had left. By the end of the day (for me, is like 5-6pm), I am ready to lay in my cloud bed with my feet up. Ollie notices. Jan notices. And I truly feel bad for being tired a lot and/or not being able to walk or stand for more than 20 min. It is becoming my reasoning for outbursts and not watching tv shows, but I don’t think the boys fully understand. They just think I “don’t want to hang out” with them and that makes me feel terrible, and I try explaining but they don’t get it so I get more irritable (DO YOU GET WHY I AM MOODY AND EXHAUSTED YET?). Oliver will make remarks when activities are brought up (like biking or playing sports with him) and say things like, “Oh yeah I forgot you can’t do that because you are pregnant.” And then when I try jogging after him when we are crossing the street or rushing to the car in a parking lot, he yells at me, “Mommy, don’t rush! You are pregnant!” So, it is sweet, but I hate being this “sit on the sidelines” kind of mum. And I know it will be like this for a while after baby is here, too. It is just so hard explaining the “why” to a 7-year old (no matter how independent he may seem). It isn’t any easier explaining the “why” to a 31-year old, either. Trust me. I feel the most guilt from ditching out on couch time with Janny boy (because couch time/tv show-watching time is usually the only time we get to spend by ourselves/together, once Ollie is in bed).  Now, add in Frank. A needy newborn who has a crazy sleep schedule and can be soothed by mum’s milk and/or rocking. Kind of cuts back on time I normally spend with my [current] guys. Jan’s mom made the comment “let the competition for Ash’s attention begin!” And I can only imagine how this “competition” will pan out. I am hoping for the BEST and wishing for the SUPER BEST.

Overthinking is the biggest cause of our unhappiness. Keep yourself occupied. Keep your mind off things that don’t help you. Be optimistic. – Anonymous

Thinking more on the upbeat ~ babies are wonderful! The thought of meeting my son fills my heart to the brim, and I know he will light up our family’s lives! Jan being a daddy (for reals), and imagining him holding a tiny mini-him gives me butterflies #notgasipromise
Baby Frank will learn all the things from his big bro, Ollie, and the two of them will be inseparable. I know the first couple months will be rough, but our family is strong! *cue triumphant, WINNING music*

Our next check up is the 30th, and I have to go in for ANOTHER blood draw before then. Doc is checking on my blood sugar again. Not looking forward to that. Damn blood suckers.

Jan and I have attended 2/4 child prep classes now, and I really feel the info (however corny some of the classes may be) is rather helpful. Next week, we get to tour the birthing floor! I have my hospital bag packed and by the front door, too. WE ARE READY(-ish)!

PS: This Friday is my last day at work… I AM ALMOST A REAL STAY-AT-HOME-MOM AND I AM THRILLED!

I leave you w/this:

family photo times