My first month as a Linnberg

Just about a month ago, Jan and I married with our toes in the sand! A whole MONTH already! And it took a month to get my name officially changed- paperwork, and lines and mail and paperwork and fees and waiting. But I made it. Came out the other side a Linnberg. Ash Linnberg. Ashley Linnberg. Mrs. Linnberg. …WEEEIRD. A little neat, but still weird. Wondering when speaking it out loud and using the phrase “my husband” will feel normal. Speaking of- my husband and I have been living the good married life and haven’t found reasons to kill each other. #marriedAF Every morning is a fresh one. Fresh snuggles and fresh eggs and fresh kisses and hugs. He claims marriage makes everything better, too. The way his clothes fit, the air, the food, house chores…everything is BETTER. Can’t argue him. I get better every damn day. ZING!

It’s almost June now, and school is coming to a close. Oliver is pumped! And *I* will have a FOURTH GRADER on my hands. Yeesh. The summer for our family will be packed with weekends outdoors, weekday park and pool trips, playdates, yoga, and family stuff. I intend on making more trips to the farm for hangs (both Linnberg and Olson farms), and having cook outs regularly. We may spend our days feeding ducks and going for walks and swimming or playgrounding. I want to get to the family museum every once and a while, too. Just so many THINGS I have planned, and only 12 weeks to do it all. On top of kid and family plans, I’m making personal goals for ME. I want and need to revisit my yoga books from school. Study up and learn and apply. I also have some books to read on deepening my yoga practice and spiritual connection shit that I am hoping is more “good vibes” than “praise the lord”. But if you know me and books, my track record for finishing a book is no bueno. Unless it is about magic and mythology #wishmeluck

Arthur, my nephew, is turning ONE already in less than a week! #T I M E F L I E S * and Frank will be TWO in a a couple weeks. We are throwing him a dinosaur/ Jurassic Park themed party! Kind of excited to decorate and bake and host. I really don’t mind it, and our house isn’t THAT bad at hosting our brood of fam and friends. Planning on it being outside with a blow up pool to splash in, piñata, games, and cupcakes! I mean, the kid is turning 2…the party is really for me, right?

summing it all up: life is good.

Can not complain much, even though I do. My family is happy and healthy. We have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. I have great friends, amazing kids, and a husband who truly LOVES me. So yeah.. hashtag blessed.

PS*** tooting my yoga horn*** check out my class schedule and come to a class or two or three or ETC

 

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#solongdejonge

ahhhh *big sigh* where to begin? where to begin! So much excitement has come into my life in such a short period of time. I mean, TONS of joy and omg-ness.
Janny came home mid-March *YASSSSS* But let me just say as much as it was a relief and joy it was equally difficult. At least for the first week he was home… So much adjusting to schedules and life, and don’t let anyone tell you things just “fall into place” like no time has passed. We butted heads, we argued, but in the end, we figured it out. He went back to work, and I dropped back into my normal routines. We handled it as best as we could, and I honestly love more for compromising and loving me through all of it (the deployment, the frustrations, the shit we dealt with when he came back, etc). He’s my biggest supporter, and I’m mad about him. Happy vibes and love making ensued #gushmush
It seemed like he was only back for a hot minute, then BOOM! St Patty stuff. BOOM! Brian’s bachelor trip to AZ. BOOM! Packing for Mexico! The preparation and anticipation for Mexico was delightful. The night before we left, I couldn’t sleep. Shocker, I know. But I was dwelling over lists and notes I left my sister (WHO IS A SAINT FOR LOOKING AFTER MY BABIES), and worried about being gone. You know, mom stuff. Then we were up before 5am to catch our flight out of Chicago. That drive was interesting, too…my GPS wasn’t working right, and we ended up driving out of the way (and avoiding a $75/day parking fee) for probably an extra hour at least. Jan was freaking that we’d miss the flight…BUT! We (obviously) made it just fine.

M E X I C O 

We took a flight straight to Cancun, and had a special/VIP ride to the resort waiting for us.

we have arrived!

The resort is beautiful. The staff, same. Everyone was overly nice and helpful. Made our stay so comfy. Our guests/BFFs arrived over the next two days, and heavy partying was under weigh. The whole group rocked. Just…Incredibly fun and perfect for celebrating us. The guys were each given a “spirit animal” t-shirt (Jan passed them out after the rehearsal dinner), and it had ALL of us dying. He had little speeches/ reasons why he chose each friend’s animal…I think Mike’s ‘fried chicken’ shirt topped them off nicely! Rocky’s pig shirt was equally hilarious.

ANIMAL PACK

Every day was gorgeous and sunny, and every night was boozy and warm. I got to wear all the swim suits and all the dresses and buckets of sunscreen (after I burnt pretty bad the first day…dat mexican sun). We ventured to the beach a couple nights (THE MOON WAS INSANE), went to the “night club” and dance-sweated our tits off,  but most nights it was SPORTS BAR (inside joke, but trust me…it is funny).  Beach days were the best days. Salty air and hair, super sun tans, endless palomas & margaritas, and of course beach yoga.

#maegnash

my tribe ❤

 

We even splurged and spent a couple days on some excursions! Chichen Itza (fun ride, insanely hot, but dem ruins tho) was all day pretty much. The driver took us to a restaurant on the way home, too, so we got to get some grub off the resort. And another day we rented a private catamaran and got to snorkel! SO MUCH EFFING FUN. So many fish swimming around us, and sea turtles and sting rays and eels…wild. And the guys who ran the boat were pretty cool- we even got TEQUILA TIME before we were finished! That was such a great day…

old stuff is cool

#merca

these guys ❤

The morning of the wedding was spent in true girly fashion. Brunchies, mimosas, and facials with my ladies. I decided this was a good time to give the girlies my little gift (pura vida friendship bracelets!) while we toasted with champagne and ate all the fruit (except that papaya..ew). We met up with the dudes for some drinks on the lazy river, spent time at the beach,  and took our time in between. Maeg even lead a little yoga flow on the beach! #mypoot

By the time I had to get dressed, it hit me. I AM GETTING MARRIED. Like, M A R R I E D married. My blouse and skirt went together beautulfy (top was from a thrift store, and the skirt was off Amazon.com #fancy), but thankGOD for Cassie and Maeg. Getting that skirt on and off was a feat in itself. It was about that time, and one of the hotel staff came to the room to deliver my bouquet… I don’t know why, but seeing and holding that damn bouquet had me in tears! They were perfect-so bright and pretty (gerber daisies, my fave). I was sniffling and wiping my face so we could take a few pics before the ceremony when I caught a glimpse of myself in the window. Ughhhh crying for real, but like ugly crying. I WAS A BRIDE, you guys.  whew… I was able to pull myself together by the time the wedding coordinator arrived to take us to the wedding location.

this is real life!!!!!

They gave us a ride to the spot on the beach we were gonna be, and Cassie and Maeg were escorted to their places almost right away. I remember I was just standing there taking BIG, deep breathes and trying not to pace. Thinking “omgomgomgomgomgomg” and trying not to cry. And just like that~ it was my turn to walk down the beach. The set up was gorgeous. Perfection. White linen on the two rows of chairs, white canopy, and that mariachi band! As I got closer, I felt my fluster melt away. Jan was grinning ear to ear, and all was right. We spoke our vows from the heart/off the hip (totally impromptu), and poured some marriage sand into a marriage vase, and said “I do.” *Ahhh just bursting thinking about how happy I was in that moment*** And then the twist (Jan, always with the surprises).

I took that man to be mine!

Right before Jan was supposed to kiss his bride, he looks out at everyone and says (loudly), “Before I kiss my bride, there’s something I need to do”…and he proceeds to unbutton his shirt, kick off his shoes, and slide his shorts down into the sand below his feet. Two words: TUXEDO SPEEDO. And not just him! ALL THE DUDES had them secretly on under their clothes, and begun stripping right there on the beach in broad daylight!! On-lookers were gawking and holding up their phones, I was laughing along with everyone else. SO SO fun. and SO SO my husband. Naturally, we had a photo opp.

wife/queen

 

 

So… for those of you who aren’t my FB friend and can’t view the full montage of photos from this trip, there are some posted up on the grams. There is a lot more I could write about- more deets and more fun memories-but I think I’ll spare ya. The friends who celebrated that week with us know what went down and how awesome it was, and I can’t thank them enough for being there. Cassie, Maeg, Lora, Allison, Lindsay, Jilly, Beth, Whitney, Elyse, Kevin, Brandon, Kasjen, Rocky, Mike, Jason, Matty, Spencer, Jeff, and Brian… you are the greatest friends we could ever ask for, and from the bottom of my married heart I want to thank you for showing up. We love you guys.

luckiest couple on the planet.

And sooo, #solongdejonge was a total success. Aside from losing my voice and almost cutting my toes off on those damn secret ocean rocks…It was epic. Never drank so much in my life! Never been so happy.  Very ready to begin the next chapter in my life as a wife and a Linnberg!

xo

because love

We, as humans, are lucky enough to fall in love. However many times, however long, however blissful or painful… we can feel love and give love unconditionally. It is incredible, isn’t it? Through all the heartbreak and fights and down and outs and loneliness we may feel, there is always love. Really BIG love. Heart-wrenching, body-aching, head-over-heels love. I consider myself lucky! Jan is that big love. After nearly 6 years (2 of which were long distance!), I still have butterflies… He makes my heart pound so hard I clutch my chest. He makes me crazy with frustration and wild with lust. He takes away my worry and amplifies my joy. He is the most considerate and the most forgiving. He is always the center of attention and he is always the funniest person in the room. He gets me. He makes me feel beautiful. He cares about my feelings and encourages my goals. And he truly loves me. ME. He knows my faults, and loves me regardless. It is the kind of love that makes single people cringe. For real.
So, why do I brag, I mean blog, about this? Because I am happy. And because I love expression through words. #nerd

…”you become your own personal therapist. and when you really commit to the process, you find yourself saying exactly what you need to hear.” -Frankie, Grace&Frankie

I don’t ever expect anything to come about from my blogging. Ever. Or my journaling. The only “reason” I have written/vented/complained on paper or online, is to help myself. It is [free] self help. It is therapeutic. It’s the whole get-things-off-my-chest/ clean slate feeling. When I finish journaling or blogging, I feel fresh. Like a BIG BIG sigh. All the shit that floats and swirls around in my brain gets put somewhere else. And often times, I am forced to deal with shit I may have been avoiding. Therapy. See? So, if you are someone who has never kept a diary or written lists or blogged, please try it. There is only clarity. Or full-on random rants. Either way, good stuff.

fam

Other good stuff: My babies. Being a mother is unlike any other adventure I could have imagined.  My boys challenge me EVERY GOD DAMN DAY, and I am a better person because of them. Mothers are the least judgmental and most judgmental people I know..but it makes sense. We are in charge of tiny humans. We are responsible for their well-being and upbringing (shout out to all single moms and dads out there!) and all the in-between shit. We are their end-all…their favorite people and their worst nightmares. But we KNOW that, and we parent on anyway. Our kids won’t always think we are the greatest thing since Daniel Tiger, and they won’t always stay little. Having an 8-year-gap between my two boys really puts time in perspective. I love my Oliver very differently than I do Frank. Is that ok to say? I mean it like this. I love Ollie with a respect and expectation that I can’t love Frank with right now. And I love Frank with a sense of wonder …oh fuck it. I sound ridiculous. My point is! The age difference between my babies is amazing. I love it. I love how I can equally share time and experiences with them without feeling guilty. Oliver is a HUGE help and loves his baby brother so much…

I am just full of love. ALL THE LOVE. My family is amazing. I am happy in love. I get to marry the man of my DREAMS, and I’m bursting. It is fucking pathetic how full of love I am. And also grateful… I appreciate my life. My kids. My man… It is such an overwhelming feeling I welcome with open arms. I deserve this. Everyone deserves to feel this.

img_0395

My Janny and I will be reunited in less than 2 weeks. CAN YOU FEEL THE EXCITEMENT!?!!!?

 

self love.

self love. *takes a deep breath* self love, for me, isn’t something I’ve ever struggled with really. I love me. I love my life, and I’m always comfortable being myself… and I feel loved. Which is why I get so mad at myself for being (suddenly) so self conscious about my body. The scale, the mirrors, trying on bikinis, and comparing myself to others. BAD. bad Ash. I psych myself out, I think, and convince myself that 5 or 10 more lbs on a scale means I’m not Ash. Crazy, right? In my mind, I have how I should look (to myself or how others see me), and it doesn’t match what I see in the mirror. It is so silly, right? Writing it out makes me feel even more ridiculous for thinking/admitting it. But it isn’t uncommon. This stuff is shoved in our faces and down our throats every damn day. “For a beautiful body”…”Get abs NOW”…”The look you want” ETC ETC ETC  It is rough being a lady in the world, and on top of that we have this notion that we should be a certain way/fit into this mold that is absolutely impossible. I am lucky enough to have VERY good friends who support me no matter what, tell me truths and empower me. I know I am strong. I know I am beautiful. I know I don’t NEED to lose 20lbs (rolls eyes for everyone in the universe). Maybe, for me, this nonsense started after Jan left. And then the new year came around (resolution BS). And now I’m sweating just thinking about seeing my love and MARRYING HIM on a beach. All that probably did it. yeah. I mean…I just need to stop. stop the negative self talk and amp up the self love. I feel I’m not the only person who should take that advice.

Until next time~ chill, breathe, and spread those happy vibes

When your person is away…

As most of you know, Jan is in Afghanistan till March. You know, saving the world and being beautiful and flirting with women in burkas. So this leaves myself, Ollie, Frank, Odin and 3 cats to tend to the house and each other for 6 months. After 2 weeks and 2 days, I can honestly say that this isn’t my ideal situation. I mean, I’ve had bouts of crying, eating, drinking, hiding in the bathroom, sleeplessness, depression, hysterics, denial, and fake smiling. I’ve also cried into my cat more than once. Literally. I put my face on Dennis’s body and sobbed..and you know what? It made me feel equally psychotic and relieved. And Dennis doesn’t seem to mind. I knew all these things would arise. I’d feel all the feels and have struggles maintaining the kids and house and chores and whatnot. It really helps that many of my lovely friends have reached out to help…seriously! It doesn’t go unnoticed, and I will (eventually, if not already) take you up on the offer. Whether it’s babysitting while I shower/get a manicure, or cooking dinner for us, or just being an ear to vent to- I truly love all of you for the support. It means everything. Also, putting up with me is just something you’ll have to do. So, sorryimnotsorry about any mood swings that may occur.

I do get to chat with Janny most days, and it’s what I look forward to the most. That, and it being a reasonable hour for me to have a beer. Can I say that? #nojudgement
His face and voice and antics make me happy. And nobody will ever make me laugh like he can, so it’s great when I do get to hear from him bc laughter is a great mood lifter. He seems to be doing ok, even though his room looks like a scarier version of my college dorm room. Despite his tiredness (from working 7 days a week, 8-10 hours/day), he still manages to make time for me and the boys. Always with a smile or a joke… He is just the best, really. I love him more than I can express.

I’m blogging today from my front porch while Arthur and Frank nap, so I’m trying to hurry through*
U MMMM

OH! This is my BIRTHDAY MONTH!! Yes, yes, yes..I know you’ve ALL been wondering when you could send me gifts and vodka, and I’m pleased to tell you the wait it OVER! Send me all the things! I turn (had to think about it, counting the years on my fingers) 31 this Thursday, and I’ll probably bring in the new age with baby vomit, shitty diapers, and microwave corndogs. And all that, in all its yucky and blahness, is okay. I love being me and I love my life here. I love the chaos and the to-do lists and the babies and all of it. I love it because I worked hard to get here. I’m a good mama with a sense of humor (which, let’s be real, a lot of moms don’t have!), and I worked hard this summer and made sacrifices to get my yoga instructor certificate! I’m proud of me. And I’m proud of my family. I’m in love with the man of my dreams- like, insane, over-the-moon, can’t catch my breath, exploding heart, big BIG love. My boys are healthy and beautiful and SMART. I love my house and my neighborhood. I love DENNIS… There is so much to be thankful for, and my heart is overflowing with gratitude.

On that note~ I want you to get happy, too, and find some goodness in your day/life! Hold on to it, and enjoy positive moments! I sound like a hippy, but what I’m saying and feel is true:

One happy moment in your day can change your entire outlook!

Find that moment and spread good vibes 🙂

XO

#SAHMlife and updates

My life revolves around my boys (duh). Keeping them up-to-date on happenings and dates and sports and lists and goings on is my jam. And I kind of love it. I’m sort of a beacon for anything…they look to me for lots of things everyday, and I truly appreciate it. Being a mom is a lot more than 3 little letters~ I run this ish. That being said, I know how important it is to live in the now and love something in every day on top of knowing what needs to get done and what needs planning. It is a CRAZY unexplainable process, but somehow it gets done. I’m not taking full credit here (because Jan is a pretty damn good parent, too!), there is just something that needs to be said for moms #SUPERPOWERS

Since my last entry, life is doing what it does- just chugging along. My sweet baby Frank is, too. He is crawling e v e r y w h e r e, growing teeth, pointing at all the things and grunting, waving hi & bye occasionally, and still co-sleeping with yours truly. This week I have been cracking down on moving Frank to his crib. Mostly because my sister will be looking after him for a week in May while I’m out of town, and I don’t want her to have issues with him sleeping in the bed. I need to get Frank on a new schedule where he’s not waking up 3 times a night to nurse. It’s been interesting so far, I mean, it’s only been a couple nights and he’s slept in the crib from 9pm-1am, so… Stay tuned & wish me luck!

27lbs, 30 inches tall, and still the happiest baby boy

4 tiny teeth!

mat time with mama #babytreepose

Jan and I just celebrated our 5-YEAR anniversary, BTDUBZ! No big whoop except HE’S THE FOREVER LOVE OF MY LIFE etc etc mushiness. We partied downtown for St Pattys weekend, and danced and drank and loved…it was oodles of good times. It’s strange only 5 years have gone by- it feels longer. We’ve been through 2 years of long-distance dating (4-hours apart), buying a house, ODIN, and now Franky boy… I just feel stupid lucky because he is the best. THE best. Mostly and usually, anyway. 🙂


  

Another cool thing that is going to be happening soon:

I’m going to get my yoga certification this summer!!!!

Classes begin at the end of May and finish in August, so come September, I’ll be a certified yoga instructor! And I’m just ABSOLUTLEY thrilled/nervous/overjoyed to be able to pursue something I’m this passionate about !! (Cue the yoga pics!)

  
  
  
  
SO! I’ve got plenty to look forward to: Frank crawling/learning to walk, Oliver finishing 2nd grade!, traveling lots, yoga school, and new baby Linnberg (Whitney is due in 2 months!)!!

Feels pretty great to be me. #loveyourlife

NAMASTE

 

 

Exercising mind and body #quickblog

Your mind and your body are yours forever. They’re the only ones you will get.

SO, filling them with good things and avoiding the bad is always a plus. I know lots of twenty somethings and thirty somethings who have muddled minds/stress/things that cloud their pretty little heads, and I know a lot of them handle/deal with it fine. What I want to write about is having children AND dealing with all the other/normal stress on top of it. To all the mums out there who have 2 or more kids under 6 yrs: YOU IMPRESS THE SHIT OUT OF ME. I have my battles from time to time with handling the 7-year gap between my boys & can’t imagine having to worry about more than one infant/toddler all the time. Ollie is a great big bro, hands down like, the best! And he seems so grown up about most things that I forget he is JUST 8 yrs old, and I should ALWAYS be conscious of that. Example: Oliver is a sensitive soul. He loves me more than most and is clearly affected by my emotions. Lately, he has been getting more easily upset about my feelings and attitude towards him when he thinks I’m mad at him. It happens a lot when I tell or ask him to do something and he has to stop doing what he’s doing (watching TV, playing a game, etc). But he gets SO emotional about my reaction to his reaction that (I admit) I sometimes lose my temper and raise my voice at him, “No, I’m not mad at you but I’m getting real annoyed with you asking me that all the time” sort of thing. And it happened tonight right before bed, which I HATE (#nevergotobedangry), and I actually tucked him in and left his room with him being sad/whimpery. After a few minutes, I got my shit together and had to tell myself that he is my boy. My little Oliver. And he is the kid and *I* am the parent, and I shouldn’t react like this when he gets upset. So, I went back in his room and snuggled up on him and asked if I could lay there for a while. I held him for a bit and he calmed down and said, “I love you, mommy” (AND THEN I DIED OMG YOU GUYS). I do worry about how I’m raising my boys, and if I’m “doing it the right way” or making them good dudes and stuff. But then little things like ^that^ will happen and I’m reassured I’m not doing a bad job so far. My mind is always swimming with thoughts, but especially as night before bed. Hundreds of thoughts just swirling around up there, reminding me, checking me, scolding me, kicking my brains with no place to go. I try to give my mind some order by listing and sorting things out one at a time. “To-do lists” are my favorite thing ever, and so far pretty successful. I get the lists written down/noted on my iPhone/blogged/out of my mind so I can sleep better at night. Even if it is just a little bit better. When the thoughts aren’t cluttering everything, it is way easier to meditate or relax. ANOTHER REASON I LOVE YOGA #helpful!! I don’t know if that is considered “exercising” your mind, but it sure feels like it to me. If not, I’m sure all that Words With Friends and sudoku is helping my brain sweat. Ew. Sweaty brains.

Then there is exercising that BOD. I think that I have come a long way (fitness-wise). Actually, I’ve never been as serious about exercising as I have been this last year! Not in my whole 30 years of living! YESIM30 omg. I just wanna blog/vent about it, though, so I can look back on this time in my life when I’m 9 months preggo with my next baby and be all, “SHIT YEAH I CAN GET MY BOD BACK!” *disclaimer: I am definitely not pregnant right now…Currently, I get my fitness on  60-90 minutes, 4-5 days/week.  Usually Monday-Friday in the mornings and some Saturday mornings if I can. I feel great, too. I’ve taken to running a little bit, and really like mixing my daily yoga with a few miles. Who knows what the future holds, but I’m open to all the exercises! It is getting me super pumped for the new year. New year means a LIST of “to-dos” to better myself and my family, and I l o v e lists and fresh starts. And my family, too, I suppose 🙂


 

I’ll be blogging (more regularly!) come 2016! Catch you lovelies on the flip flop~

 

Frank meets Mamaw & Papaw

*Writing this poolside at my parent’s house in Florida* #bejealous

Last week, Oliver, Frank and I took a plane ride to Florida!  

 All went fine, and I’m SOhappy to be spending time with my momma. Since baby Frank, things have been slightly less easy #understatement. So, I am loving that I have this opportunity to see my parents AND have some assistance AND get a chance to shower/eat slowly/RELAX by the POOL…  

  “Shhh” is probably my most frequently used word now. Even Ollie uses it. Anytime Frank is the slightest bit fussy, Oliver rushes to his side to rub his forehead and shush him. CUTE. Frank is now 5 weeks old, and has changed SO much in just the last couple weeks! He is more vocal and makes tiny coos and other sounds. He is wearing 3 (and sometimes 3-6) month clothing, and size 1 diaper. He started taking the pacifier (or foofoo/wubanub as we refer to it) to help calm him when he is sleepy- THIS is HUGE for me, because he refused to take anything but my nipple up until last week!  

   So helpful especially during car rides. He has been fed with a bottle (mama’s milk, of course) by Daddy and Mamaw!   

He does well on plane rides (slept the whole way), and is hit-or-miss with car rides. It’s easy while we are here with my mum, because I can tend to fussy Frank from the back seat while she drives. We have been out and about SO much more than I normally would be solely because I have my mum to help with ALL the things! It is awesome. No, BEYOND awesome. Her help is just what I needed, and I’m so grateful for being able to visit and share in this with her and Pops.  

sucking his thumb!

  

he loves standing/using his legs

  
  

BROS

  

smiles for days

  

museum trip w/the fam!

  

restaurant trips are easy

  

papaw ❤️ Franky

  

morning faces

  

car rides are NO fun when Wubanub gets loose

  

frank’s first trip to the ocean

  

ocean breezes 🙂

  

i get to relax! mamaw gets to snug!

  

frank’s 1st ride in the Ergobaby

  

morning faces!

 

No Jans were harmed in the birthing of baby Frank: my birth story 

One week ago, I pushed a tiny human out of me. I did it. ME. I did it with excitement and then with exponential amounts of fear and then without fear. I did it without pain meds or epidural (even though I shouted for “DRUGS!” at some point towards the end). I did it without passing out or dying, though at many times I thought I might. I did it without killing Jan, the nurse and doctor. And I did it without tearing/needing stitches! SO, yeah.. I’m KIND OF real impressed with myself.
THE STORY:
Over the last 2 weeks, we have been more busy with family and activities than ever. Oliver was finishing up 1st grade and soccer, Jan’s oldest brother, Jimbo, came to visit for a week (along with his wife lady, Genevieve), and Jos was in the hospital getting heart stints. I KNOW, right? Busy and exciting and stressful! On top of that, I was nearing my due date. I spent everyday doing things outdoors (walking, gardening, yoga) in hopes to work the baby out while Jimbo was in town. But the week came and went, and so did Jimbo and Gen. They left Monday afternoon, and my water broke while I was washing dishes Monday night! I was ecstatic! FINALLY!! BABY IS COMING!! I told Jan and Ollie (who were in the living room watching television) “I think my water just broke” and walked upstairs to check. The looks on their faces was priceless- Oliver was confused why water came out and not apple juice! Jan kept asking me “are you sure? Are you REALLY sure??” And so it went. I called the doctor who said I should go to the hospital. In retrospect, I wish I would have waited at home longer to get a few hours sleep (but since the doctor said I should go in, I went). I walked Ollie to Jay&Josie’s and told them what happened- Jay was over the moon excited yelling “woohoo!” as I left. #ADORBS Jan and I grabbed the overnight bag and drove around the corner to the hospital.
When we arrived, it was about 6:30pm and there were no receptionists in the main area we walked through. So, we went to the 5th floor and tried checking in there but all we saw was a phone on the wall. I picked it up and a nurse answered. “Uh..can I come in, please?” I asked (trying not to laugh). The nurse asked what I was coming in for, and I said that my water had broke and I was going to have a baby 🙂 She buzzed us in and I apologized for not knowing the correct protocol on checking in (even though we went over it in our birthing classes #nottheteacherspet). They took me to a room and strapped monitors on my “perfectly pregnant” belly. I was moved to a labor room and started on pitocin to start things along. After a while, the pitocin wasn’t needed, and I was contracting more and more. The pain worsened and I had the shivers a bit- so the nurse ran water in the giant tub for me to sit in. It was niiiice! And then I got too hot AND contractions were getting really close… the nurse had me try laboring positions that would help baby lower more, but it hurt SO bad to squat. I laid on the bed dosing off in between contractions (Jan said I had googly eyes when I woke up bc I was deleriously out of it). When the doctor came in and said I could push (FINALLY), it was about 515-530am. I pushed and pushed and swear I popped all the blood vessels in my body. It hurt, guys. It. Hurt. Lots. I can’t stress enough how bad the pain was… BUT I mustered up a few breathes, buckled down, and pushed my baby out! Jan watched the entire birth without fainting AND cut the cord. The doctor pulled my baby out of me, and the nurse laid him on my chest. I was in shock. I was sad and happy and overwhelmed. I did it. I FUCKING DID IT. I think I actually said that out loud at one point, too (sorry not sorry).

My boy was a stinky beautiful mess and he was in my arms for real.

my son is born!!

Baby Frank immediately nursed, and I stared down at him in awe. I MADE YOU! I didn’t tear or need stitches. I didn’t even pass out after. I was wide awake! My entire mood switched back to HAPPY ASH mode, and all was right in the world. Jan didn’t hold Frank until we moved into the postpartum room, but when he did it was adorable. He wasn’t quite sure how to pick him up or hold him, and it was just the sweetest Daddy “first moment” ever. The 2 nights in the hospital postpartum were rough. My milk hadn’t come in, and Franky boy was starving. I slept little to none, and the second night the nurse took Frank to the nursery so I could get some rest (I was too delusional to remember the interaction, but vaguely remember asking her where she was taking my son in a not-so-nice tone). Visitors came and went and gifts were given #sonicesonice And then, we were discharged to go home!


  We’ve been home for a week now, and are still working out the kinks. Frank and I have been co-sleeping while Jan has taken to the guest bed. I’m guessing tonight will be the first night we use the bassinet and see how much difference that makes. I don’t intend on getting much sleep during this transition. I am very fond of co-sleeping (I know it’s a hot-button topic). It is easier to nurse all hours of the night, and I feel baby and I get more Zzz’s. I can’t have Jan sleeping in a separate bed much longer, even if he is getting all the sleeps. I miss being the little spoon ❤

I want to thank everyone who sent/gave gifts and their support and understanding this last week. Having a baby is work, and adjusting to all things newborn takes time and energy. If I haven’t texted/IG’d/FB’d/Tweeted/Snapchat’d/called enough- you all know why. And I’m working on thank-you cards, too!
UNTIL NEXT TIME! #babyFrankberg can be seen on IG 🙂

a week old baby Frank