No Jans were harmed in the birthing of baby Frank: my birth story 

One week ago, I pushed a tiny human out of me. I did it. ME. I did it with excitement and then with exponential amounts of fear and then without fear. I did it without pain meds or epidural (even though I shouted for “DRUGS!” at some point towards the end). I did it without passing out or dying, though at many times I thought I might. I did it without killing Jan, the nurse and doctor. And I did it without tearing/needing stitches! SO, yeah.. I’m KIND OF real impressed with myself.
Over the last 2 weeks, we have been more busy with family and activities than ever. Oliver was finishing up 1st grade and soccer, Jan’s oldest brother, Jimbo, came to visit for a week (along with his wife lady, Genevieve), and Jos was in the hospital getting heart stints. I KNOW, right? Busy and exciting and stressful! On top of that, I was nearing my due date. I spent everyday doing things outdoors (walking, gardening, yoga) in hopes to work the baby out while Jimbo was in town. But the week came and went, and so did Jimbo and Gen. They left Monday afternoon, and my water broke while I was washing dishes Monday night! I was ecstatic! FINALLY!! BABY IS COMING!! I told Jan and Ollie (who were in the living room watching television) “I think my water just broke” and walked upstairs to check. The looks on their faces was priceless- Oliver was confused why water came out and not apple juice! Jan kept asking me “are you sure? Are you REALLY sure??” And so it went. I called the doctor who said I should go to the hospital. In retrospect, I wish I would have waited at home longer to get a few hours sleep (but since the doctor said I should go in, I went). I walked Ollie to Jay&Josie’s and told them what happened- Jay was over the moon excited yelling “woohoo!” as I left. #ADORBS Jan and I grabbed the overnight bag and drove around the corner to the hospital.
When we arrived, it was about 6:30pm and there were no receptionists in the main area we walked through. So, we went to the 5th floor and tried checking in there but all we saw was a phone on the wall. I picked it up and a nurse answered. “Uh..can I come in, please?” I asked (trying not to laugh). The nurse asked what I was coming in for, and I said that my water had broke and I was going to have a baby 🙂 She buzzed us in and I apologized for not knowing the correct protocol on checking in (even though we went over it in our birthing classes #nottheteacherspet). They took me to a room and strapped monitors on my “perfectly pregnant” belly. I was moved to a labor room and started on pitocin to start things along. After a while, the pitocin wasn’t needed, and I was contracting more and more. The pain worsened and I had the shivers a bit- so the nurse ran water in the giant tub for me to sit in. It was niiiice! And then I got too hot AND contractions were getting really close… the nurse had me try laboring positions that would help baby lower more, but it hurt SO bad to squat. I laid on the bed dosing off in between contractions (Jan said I had googly eyes when I woke up bc I was deleriously out of it). When the doctor came in and said I could push (FINALLY), it was about 515-530am. I pushed and pushed and swear I popped all the blood vessels in my body. It hurt, guys. It. Hurt. Lots. I can’t stress enough how bad the pain was… BUT I mustered up a few breathes, buckled down, and pushed my baby out! Jan watched the entire birth without fainting AND cut the cord. The doctor pulled my baby out of me, and the nurse laid him on my chest. I was in shock. I was sad and happy and overwhelmed. I did it. I FUCKING DID IT. I think I actually said that out loud at one point, too (sorry not sorry).

My boy was a stinky beautiful mess and he was in my arms for real.

my son is born!!

Baby Frank immediately nursed, and I stared down at him in awe. I MADE YOU! I didn’t tear or need stitches. I didn’t even pass out after. I was wide awake! My entire mood switched back to HAPPY ASH mode, and all was right in the world. Jan didn’t hold Frank until we moved into the postpartum room, but when he did it was adorable. He wasn’t quite sure how to pick him up or hold him, and it was just the sweetest Daddy “first moment” ever. The 2 nights in the hospital postpartum were rough. My milk hadn’t come in, and Franky boy was starving. I slept little to none, and the second night the nurse took Frank to the nursery so I could get some rest (I was too delusional to remember the interaction, but vaguely remember asking her where she was taking my son in a not-so-nice tone). Visitors came and went and gifts were given #sonicesonice And then, we were discharged to go home!

  We’ve been home for a week now, and are still working out the kinks. Frank and I have been co-sleeping while Jan has taken to the guest bed. I’m guessing tonight will be the first night we use the bassinet and see how much difference that makes. I don’t intend on getting much sleep during this transition. I am very fond of co-sleeping (I know it’s a hot-button topic). It is easier to nurse all hours of the night, and I feel baby and I get more Zzz’s. I can’t have Jan sleeping in a separate bed much longer, even if he is getting all the sleeps. I miss being the little spoon ❤

I want to thank everyone who sent/gave gifts and their support and understanding this last week. Having a baby is work, and adjusting to all things newborn takes time and energy. If I haven’t texted/IG’d/FB’d/Tweeted/Snapchat’d/called enough- you all know why. And I’m working on thank-you cards, too!
UNTIL NEXT TIME! #babyFrankberg can be seen on IG 🙂

a week old baby Frank