self love. *takes a deep breath* self love, for me, isn’t something I’ve ever struggled with really. I love me. I love my life, and I’m always comfortable being myself… and I feel loved. Which is why I get so mad at myself for being (suddenly) so self conscious about my body. The scale, the mirrors, trying on bikinis, and comparing myself to others. BAD. bad Ash. I psych myself out, I think, and convince myself that 5 or 10 more lbs on a scale means I’m not Ash. Crazy, right? In my mind, I have how I should look (to myself or how others see me), and it doesn’t match what I see in the mirror. It is so silly, right? Writing it out makes me feel even more ridiculous for thinking/admitting it. But it isn’t uncommon. This stuff is shoved in our faces and down our throats every damn day. “For a beautiful body”…”Get abs NOW”…”The look you want” ETC ETC ETC It is rough being a lady in the world, and on top of that we have this notion that we should be a certain way/fit into this mold that is absolutely impossible. I am lucky enough to have VERY good friends who support me no matter what, tell me truths and empower me. I know I am strong. I know I am beautiful. I know I don’t NEED to lose 20lbs (rolls eyes for everyone in the universe). Maybe, for me, this nonsense started after Jan left. And then the new year came around (resolution BS). And now I’m sweating just thinking about seeing my love and MARRYING HIM on a beach. All that probably did it. yeah. I mean…I just need to stop. stop the negative self talk and amp up the self love. I feel I’m not the only person who should take that advice.
Until next time~ chill, breathe, and spread those happy vibes