In September

School is under way. The weather is changing. Pumpkin-flavored beers and lattes fill our feeds. Leaves are turning yellow, and lawn mowers seem louder. Fall is coming #Starksdidntwarnus

I like to listen to Ray LaMontagne, and Death Cab’s Plans album. I like to sip a good, dry red wine on my porch. I like to clean with the windows open. I like to wear oversize sweatshirts from Jan’s closet. There are all these things I love doing in September, and I know there are lots more I’m leaving out. But this September is unlike others. This September means Jan is leaving for 6 months. This September is bitter and empty. This September feels cold and heavy. And I don’t want to do memorable, feel-good things because my person won’t be here to enjoy them with me.

So yeah. There is that. And most of you know about it because you’re my friends and we told you about it. Whatever..My point is that this fall/winter will be different. I’ll be cranky, moody, whiny, and lonely. I’ll probably cry like a pregnant person, and be a giant puddle of mush. You have been warned.

I’ve got 13 days left with my best friend. Ollie and Frank have less than 2 weeks left with Daddy. And I feel it goes without saying…but it really, fucking sucks bad. Six months is a while. And, I know we discussed this-it was our decision to make- but it will still be a challenge. And Jan and I are soulmates, so we will be fine in the end… I just get so choked up about it all. This is one of 2 Sundays we will spend together until next year. Every kiss and every hug are counted. All the jokes and lovies are counted. This is really real life.

Now I have to go outside and help clean out the gutters. You know, normal family/house happenings. I’ll sniff up the sad for now and breathe slow.

Every.
Moment.
Counts.

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