34 weeks pregnant feels like 40 weeks pregnant.

Some current stats on zeh pregnancy~

Good thoughts/happenings: This time next month, I could be blogging about my BABY instead of my pregnancy 🙂
Complaints/worries: Extremely difficult finding a comfy position for sleeping/not sleeping well (which leads to cranky mornings). Worried I will go into labor early.
Cravings: Raisin Bran w/blueberries, deli sandwiches, and Drumstick ice cream cones
Weight gain: 28 actual lbs, 150 feels-like lbs
Stretch marks: nope. Just a lot of tiny skin tags (gross)
Days til due date: 41
Number of clothing I own that I can fit into: 5

boom.

I do have a few things still to rant about. Worries. Worrying is something that I do too often and wish I could stop doing. And I am seriously NOT a worrier. This whole “stressed-out/ moody” me is totally pregnancy induced. I worry about my Oliver and how he will handle being a brother. I worry about Jan and how he will handle EVERYTHING. I worry about the birth & hope it goes smoothly/as planned. I worry about being swarmed with too much right after the baby is born. I think a lot about how it will be when baby Frank is home, and I’ll admit I get nervous about it. What will Ollie and Jan think of the new sleep-deprived, seemingly absent mommy who ‘only’ shows baby attention? How will they handle it emotionally, and will it all BE OKAY? #magic8ballsaysaskagainlater

In the last 2 weeks, I have definitely lost a lot of what little energies I had left. By the end of the day (for me, is like 5-6pm), I am ready to lay in my cloud bed with my feet up. Ollie notices. Jan notices. And I truly feel bad for being tired a lot and/or not being able to walk or stand for more than 20 min. It is becoming my reasoning for outbursts and not watching tv shows, but I don’t think the boys fully understand. They just think I “don’t want to hang out” with them and that makes me feel terrible, and I try explaining but they don’t get it so I get more irritable (DO YOU GET WHY I AM MOODY AND EXHAUSTED YET?). Oliver will make remarks when activities are brought up (like biking or playing sports with him) and say things like, “Oh yeah I forgot you can’t do that because you are pregnant.” And then when I try jogging after him when we are crossing the street or rushing to the car in a parking lot, he yells at me, “Mommy, don’t rush! You are pregnant!” So, it is sweet, but I hate being this “sit on the sidelines” kind of mum. And I know it will be like this for a while after baby is here, too. It is just so hard explaining the “why” to a 7-year old (no matter how independent he may seem). It isn’t any easier explaining the “why” to a 31-year old, either. Trust me. I feel the most guilt from ditching out on couch time with Janny boy (because couch time/tv show-watching time is usually the only time we get to spend by ourselves/together, once Ollie is in bed).  Now, add in Frank. A needy newborn who has a crazy sleep schedule and can be soothed by mum’s milk and/or rocking. Kind of cuts back on time I normally spend with my [current] guys. Jan’s mom made the comment “let the competition for Ash’s attention begin!” And I can only imagine how this “competition” will pan out. I am hoping for the BEST and wishing for the SUPER BEST.

Overthinking is the biggest cause of our unhappiness. Keep yourself occupied. Keep your mind off things that don’t help you. Be optimistic. – Anonymous

Thinking more on the upbeat ~ babies are wonderful! The thought of meeting my son fills my heart to the brim, and I know he will light up our family’s lives! Jan being a daddy (for reals), and imagining him holding a tiny mini-him gives me butterflies #notgasipromise
Baby Frank will learn all the things from his big bro, Ollie, and the two of them will be inseparable. I know the first couple months will be rough, but our family is strong! *cue triumphant, WINNING music*

Our next check up is the 30th, and I have to go in for ANOTHER blood draw before then. Doc is checking on my blood sugar again. Not looking forward to that. Damn blood suckers.

Jan and I have attended 2/4 child prep classes now, and I really feel the info (however corny some of the classes may be) is rather helpful. Next week, we get to tour the birthing floor! I have my hospital bag packed and by the front door, too. WE ARE READY(-ish)!

PS: This Friday is my last day at work… I AM ALMOST A REAL STAY-AT-HOME-MOM AND I AM THRILLED!

I leave you w/this:

family photo times

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