Being pregnant isn’t “my excuse” for everything. It’s the reason WHY I’m nauseated, moody, irritable, and always tired. I’m growing a PERSON inside me. All day. All the time. No breaks. It is work whether you physically see it or not. I’d like to see any man try to handle the amount of change I’m going through (emotionally and physically) without sobbing uncontrollably and/or collapsing. I’m sure everyone is tired of my moodiness, and to their credit I know how “rar” I can be. But! If I have to hear anybody else poke fun at me/tease me, say I’m “in a mood”, or anything else along those lines, I will rage. I am a hormone volcano and I can blow at any time. Know that and act/speak accordingly. #gimmeabreak #dontbeajerk
For those who do not know, it is kind of hard to be pregnant without my family near. Sure, I have Jan’s family, but it isn’t the same. The support and unconditional love I get from my mom and sister is immeasurably comforting. And to now be going through such a huge emotional change several states away from either of them is, at times, unbearable. It has made me realize how strong I need to be, and how strong of a person I actually am. Which, I guess, is a good thing despite my being sad about it. Now, I am not suggesting Jan and my friends here are not a great help and support (because they are, and I would be a wreck without them), I am just rambling on about me and my (different) emotional needs. This is my blog, after all. Me, me, me, all the posts all the time. #freehugsanyone?
In other news! Jan and I went to our first baby-doctor appointment together at the beginning of this month. We saw our tiny peanut of a babe, and got to listen to its (rapid) heartbeat! We even got to see the tiny arms waving and the itty bitty legs kicking…so precious.
And here I am, 14 weeks along and already rubbing my teeny tiny belly unknowingly from time to time. I wonder how different I will feel/look at Christmas time. More pot belly and hopefully less moody. I also wonder if, once I start to show a bit more, how Jan and his family/our friends will feel or react. Will they finally be like “oh shit, she IS really pregnant!”? Will Jan finally understand why I am “tired” ALL the time (and stop making me feel like I am just saying I’m tired for the heck of it) because he will be able to SEE the baby bump? Will Oliver be freaked out or uninterested? Will the rest of my pregnancy go swimmingly/without a hiccup? I wonder if the doctor will do another ultrasound at my next appointment on Tuesday? Is it ok that I’ve lost weight rather than gained?
There are a lot of questions, but I will just need to be patient. The biggest question I have been wondering lately is “will it be a boy or a girl”?! Although, in my bones, I feel and want it to be a girl, I won’t know until January! I haven’t even started painting/ decorating the nursery yet, either, and I’d like to get started on it (but am waiting until we know the gender). Oh well…I will just. have. to wait.
I hope everyone had a great holiday.
Stay warm, and remember ALL of the things/people in your life that you have to be thankful for.