I was not prepared for these mood swings. Considering I was once pregnant (8 years ago), and considering said pregnancy was splendidly perfect, AND considering my usual think-positive, upbeat personality…This whole irritableness is throwing me for a loop. I mean, I loved being pregnant before. LOVED the shit out of being pregnant before. So, why is this time around causing me such grief? Doesn’t seem fair. Or maybe it is fair- you get a good one [pregnancy], and you get a bad one. Stupid hormones. I feel like my mind is splitting half the time, and I really feel bad for Jan (and whomever else i have vented to over the last week or so). It’s not even been 2 weeks since we learned the news, and already my hormones have taken a hard right into craziville. Normal? I am not exaggerating when I say I have a “fit” at least twice a day (usually one in the morning, and one in the evening), and these fits are always blown way out of proportion! In retrospect, I can laugh at myself.
“HA HA, aww I’m such a cute little psycho.”
Mostly, I have found I get super cranky about 3 specific things: Jan (and guests) not cleaning up after themselves *especially after I just cleaned the house, the dog (bc giant, slobbery baby beast), and anytime Jan jokes around about my being pregnant (NOTE: guys…it is NOT ok to joke about how emotional your pregnant woman is. We will cut you.) Now, I know keeping the house clean with 3 kids (Jan, Ollie & Odin) in the house is damn near impossible. But god dammit, I’m gonna make sure the couches and floors stay clean for at least one whole day. Just clean up after your messes! It’s as simple as that. If you clean up after yourself, then I won’t unleash the wrath of hell upon you. Easy? Yup. As far as the dog goes, Odin is still a baby. He just turned one, and is rambunctious as all get up sometimes. There is no getting around it, he can’t help it (I can come to terms with that fact right now because I have had a muffin and am sitting by myself at a coffee shop far, far away from said dog). And the thing about “joking” around with any pregnant woman is: don’t. Just don’t. Save yourself the verbal lashing, and just be nice to your lady. Be nice to her, she will be less-grouchy towards you. Hopefully. No promises.
Another thing I’m sort of constantly anxious about is my social life (and Jan’s). Being pregnant means no drinky, which means some of our “friends” might/will judge me/not want to hang out as much. Maybe this isn’t true, hopefully it isn’t, but I feel it does happen in many friendships. Honestly, a lot of our social time with pals has revolved around drinking. Not to the alcoholic point, but just socially and for fun. I get so anxious when the weekend nears (or when, for example, an event is approaching. ex: my birthday in TX next week). I know we had plans to go out and party and be merry, and I still feel I can have fun, BUT… I can’t drink, and I find it annoying sometimes. Also, there’s a little thing I’ve been experiencing lately called exhaustion, and I can’t stay awake past 9pm. #wampwamp I know these thoughts and symptoms are common, and I just need more time to adjust to things. But, I really hope and want Jan and our friends to realize/accept/support this is how things are going to be for a while (with this pregnancy AND breast feeding, we are looking at almost 2 years of sober Ash). I don’t mind being sober, either. Hell, I’ve actually lost 10 whole pounds already just from not drinking! #awesome #pregnancylooksgoodonme I just don’t want to end up being resentful because Jan is out every weekend partying it up with our friends while I sit at home alone. I really don’t think that will happen/really hope it doesn’t, but it is a fear of mine.
Also, according to some baby websites (and yes, I troll on those sites because they’re helpful and because I realize although I may be nuts, I’m not THE MOST insane person out there) “irritability in your first trimester” is TOTALLY common. As is irritability in your second and third trimester. Let’s just hope this moody roller coaster comes to a halt soon. For mine and Jan’s sakes.
And so ends today’s rant. Until next time…