P is for Pregnant




What is that? no. plus means YESwhat? how? no no no. ..no? OH god… I can’t breathe. I need air. b r e a t h e ! Deep, deep inhales and exhales.” – my cool/collected thoughts after peeing on a stick this last Monday.

Now, honestly I shouldn’t have been surprised. A couple days before taking said test, I had felt abnormally achy and sore. Particularly my boobs. Like, “do NOT touch them. don’t even look at them!” (to Jan, duh). And the only other time I felt that way was when I was pregnant with Oliver. #uhoh I texted my BFF +Jessica McCall Sunday night about my issue, and she advised me to calm down and take a test in the morning. So… I took a test Monday morning, pretty sure it was nothing since I’ve been on birth control. And, well… it was right there (in my bathroom) and right then (3 days ago) that I found out I was growing a baby inside me. Jan was 10x calmer than I was when I told him (which was super helpful), and told me to relax and call the doctor. The nurse wasn’t going to have me come in at first, but I insisted. I was, after all, still on birth control and worried it was harmful to the baby/curious how this happened at all! The nurse did tell me the type of birth control I was on wasn’t harmful at all to the baby (whew!), and sent an order to the lab to have my blood drawn. Results took 5 hours #longestdayever, and they revealed 2 things: YES, I am pregnant. And I am probably around 6 weeks along. I immediately was flooded with all the feels. The biggest one, I think, was shock. This wasn’t something Jan and I had planned, but I HAD been practically begging for a baby for over a year. Did my subconscious want for a baby break my birth control? Or was Jan’s sperm like seriously potent- I get this (disgusting) visual like billions of spermies wearing viking helmets and beards charging at my baby-maker. Yeah, pretty sure that’s how it happened. Linnberg viking sperm. #terrifying

Anyway. So, I’m pregnant. I’m just growing a little human thing inside my body #nbd. We still won’t know for sure how far along we are/how many babies are in there until November (my ultrasound is scheduled a bagillion days away). Everyone, including Oliver, seems to be quite thrilled about this news. Oliver even wants to help “decorate” the nursery. #adorbs

I think this blog will help me keep better track of my belly progress, and also prove to be a healthy outlet to any/every pregnant rant I can muster up. I can already see some not-so-fun quirks rising: don’t drink caffeine (dead.), no sushi (so much for my birthday meal), no wine/dranks (birthday in Austin, TX will be spent sober surrounded by drunkies), can’t take allergy meds (“unless very necessary” -wtf does that mean!?), no hot yoga (we were just getting acquainted), no lunch meats/med-rare steaks, pork (vegetarians don’t have this problem), and the list goes on.

I realize I was pregnant before, 8 years ago, but let me tell you something: I literally forget how to do this. I’m starting from scratch pretty much. I even went to the bookstore and browsed “what to expect” books because #ihazthedumb. And I imagine being pregnant at 29 is different than being pregnant at 21. Adding to that, I have a 7-year old, a huge puppy, and a whole house to maintain/take care of/worry about. At least Jan and Oliver are being sweet about all this. They really have no idea what they’re in for, though (*maniacal laugh HAHAHAHA*). This will surely be an adventure for all of us/everyone involved. 

But I’m looking forward to it. Very much so.


(PS: say anything about my weight and I will sit on you)